As we’ve already seen earlier this week, parenting can be emotional.
I also think the combination of sleep deprivation and living in close quarters for years with several other people (an arrangement we call ‘family’) drive people to emotional depths and heights they didn’t know they had.
The idyllic picture of what family life could be (complete with picket fences and picnic baskets) slips away quickly as the sounds of malfunctioning dishwashers, endless repeats of Dora the Explorer, explosions on PS3, and voices on edge fill your home.
You wonder how you could have signed up for this.
Maybe you’re in a tough season as a parent. You know the right thing to do but don’t feel like doing it.
Been there.
There have been seasons in my life during which:
I didn’t feel like I was in love anymore, but I didn’t want to get a divorce.
I thought I didn’t have the skills I needed to be an effective parent, but I certainly didn’t want to leave my kids.
My relationship with God felt flat and even meaningless, even though I was a Christian (and in my case, a Pastor).
What do you do when you feel that way?
Here’s what I did. Being a Christian, I believed that God wanted me (in all seasons) to lead my family and love my wife.
But there were whole seasons where I didn’t feel like doing that. No surprise here, but (as I would learn as I sat down with a good counselor) the problem wasn’t as much with my wife and kids as it was with me.
Despite my struggles, in those seasons where I didn’t feel the emotions that I thought family was supposed to bring, I did one thing: I tried to stay obedient.
I didn’t leave.
I didn’t quit.
I did my best to trust that a better future would come.
I was amazed to discover what happened next. My emotions caught up to my obedience.
I came through the tough seasons when I was basically trying to do the right thing but not feeling much of anything, only to discover than my emotions came back. They caught up with my obedience.
Maybe you’re in a tough season as a parent. You know the right thing to do but don’t feel like doing it.
My encouragement? Do the right thing. Talk to someone around you (even a counselor), and try to be as obedient as you can and do what you know is right.
And here’s what I think might happen: your emotions will eventually catch up to your obedience.
Because we pushed through things, my marriage has never been better or richer. Sure, we have disagreements, but we are so thankful we didn’t call it quits when we both felt like it.
My relationship with my two sons runs stronger and deeper than I ever imagined it could. I’m so thankful I didn’t just pack up when I wanted to.
It hasn’t been easy, but now we are reaping the benefit of trying to do the right thing in hard times. And it’s so worth it.
So hang in there, and you might discover what many have discovered. Eventually, your emotions actually do catch up to your obedience.
What about you? Have you ever experienced this?
Awesome, thank you. What I was feeling. I’m gonna hang in there!
I love your transparency. I can relate to this is many way & seasons in my life. Thank you for always being an encouragment. God Bless you.
Thanks Holly and Susan. It’s amazing how identifying with each other’s weaknesses actually moves us to new strength. Thanks for the encouragement.
Thank you so much for your frankness, putting yourself out there, just for other people’s benefit. So very helpful and so very, very true. My marriage is very wonderful right now, but we all have seasons. I will chock this one away for the inevitable
Thank you, and thanks to Kirk Cameron for sharing this on facebook. I am going thru a very rough season of parenthood right now, and not quite sure how to handle it. You have given me encouragement and direction.
This is very good encouragement to parents and grandparents whose children, whom they thought was out of the nest and settling down elsewhere, now in this economic topsy turvy have come back home for a spell. That spell for us became 7 years with our daughter and her daughter. There have been many hurdles and stresses for us, the grandparents, to manage and many discouragements, but where else would we expect God to place us but in our own families. So, thank you for the encouragement to ‘obey’ , be patient and follow His lead. That time of ‘peace and comfort’ is soon coming.
I am going through such a dry season. Feeling abandoned by God, by my husband and so depressed I can barely parent my special needs child. I feel like giving up and think about it daily. The answers here..just keep plugging along.. hmmm.. frankly seem very trite.
Sorry
Dee…I am so sorry to hear how you feel. A post can’t cover everything, and most days perseverance works for me (push through and your emotions catch up with your obedience). But seven years ago I went through a year where I was probably clinically depressed (worst year of my life). I got the help of trained counselors and friends and it really helped me. I felt like giving up every day, but the professional help of a trained Christian counselor really helped. Don’t know if that might help with you, but if it does I just wanted to share that.
Dee, sounds like you have really big challenges. My heart goes out to you. I pray that God will send people to come along side for support, encouragement because He does care about you and others will too. After seeing two friends go through a divorce with one of their children having autism, I can only imagine what you are going through. There is support out there. I hope you can find a church in your area that is able to help. Please don’t give up.
So blest dear one. Even more to bear witness of the fruit He has and continues to bare in you (all). Mostly when my feelings get hurt it is my flesh for it is riddled w/nerve endings. Love to the family annointed one!
No coincidence that I happened to find Kirk Cameron’s link to this in my email today. Was telling my husband that I feel like quitting… kids don’t listen, I can’t seem to reach them. I feel nothing I do is right in my marriage, with my kids, my life, my lacking walk with God. I feel like Ecclesiastes is my life lately…. meaningless. Why clean house, why shop for food, no one appreciates anything, no one cares, the world is falling apart… why bother with anything. The more I see what is going on in the world the more I want to quit.. I see why parents leave their kids, I see why people give up. But I can’t give up.. I will hang on
K…good for you! You know, it’s funny isn’t it that sometimes you couldn’t understand why people just quit everything, but then you get into a season where YOU have those emotions and then you understand. Been there. The good news is there is joy on the other side. There really is. My wife and I recently did a message on the hard part of our marriage and how we got through it. Don’t know if that might help, but I blogged about it here: http://careynieuwhof.com/2013/01/how-to-help-your-marriage-survive-the-pressure/.
I will definitely hang in there. I am going through a very tough time trying to be “super husband and dad” in running my own business, watching my kids, and trying to make sure the bills are all paid every month. It’s a tough time for sure, but I know that the Lord draws us close during times like this, sometimes using others to communicate his presence. Thank you for your words of encouragement and faithfulness. I feel the Holy Spirit led me to read this tonight – when I needed it most.
Brett…so glad to hear that. Hang in there. And yes, the Holy Spirit is present even in those moments when you doubt He is. God sees your faithfulness.