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What Every Dad Should Know About His Daughter

Tuesday, March 20th, 2012

by Gina McClain

Several weeks ago I was dropping my daughter off for a birthday party. As I was leaving a man stopped me asking for directions. He was standing with one of my daughter’s school friends. Immediately recognizing her, I put my hand out and introduced myself explaining that our daughters sit together at lunch often. His reaction was sarcastic as he gave his daughter a side-ways glance. He made a negative comment regarding his daughter as he looked at her. Her response to him led me to believe those interactions are common.

Witnessing the exchange made me sad. I drove away thinking of all the little things we can do as parents that either build up or tear down the hearts of our kids.

It’s challenging to articulate the influence a father has on a little girl. How much of his attitude and actions toward her can determine her future relationships. I remember how much stock I placed in what my dad thought of me. I remember how much I wanted him to be proud of me. To affirm me. To show me my value.

I remember how he would brag about me on the sidelines of the soccer field.

How he would tell me I’m beautiful.

How he would hug me so hard I couldn’t breath.

How often he reminded me as a teenager, “Never date a boy you wouldn’t marry.”
(What a way to narrow the playing field!)

Dads, don’t lose sight of the impact you have today on your daughter’s future. Here are three things I encourage you to focus on:

Affirm Her
She looks to you for affirmation, encouragement, & guidance. As she grows through puberty (ESPECIALLY, as she grows through puberty), she needs your voice reminding her that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy of love. If she can learn to believe you, then she’ll believe her future husband when he tells her the same things.

Set the Standard
Be the husband you want her to have one day. Enough said. Is it difficult? Yes. Does it mean sacrifice? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes. I watch my husband daily making changes to be a better husband and dad. He’s amazing. He demonstrates for our daughter the kind of man he wants her to marry one day.

Talk About the Standard
Talk about the future. As you “Imagine the End” and think about the man you hope she marries… talk about it! Let her know what you expect. Set the bar. She’ll do everything she can to jump over it.

Let me level with you, dad. The more you affirm her today, the less she’ll seek affirmation in some teenage boy later.

Gina McClain is the Children’s Ministry Director at Faith Promise Church in Knoxville, Tennessee. Gina is driven by the idea of equipping parents for the journey of teaching their kids how to follow Christ. Based upon her experience as a mom, she identifies with the everyday challenges parents wade through. Gina and her husband, Kyle, have three kids, Keegan, Josie and Connor.

Growing Roots Deeper

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

by Cara Martens

I’ve got to be honest—I’m more of a planter and less of a water-er. Around this time of the year, I begin to get a little itch to add some color to my world. With great care and excitement, I check out all the local offerings of plants—looking for just the right mix and price. I take most of a day to trim back (or pull out) anything that didn’t make it through the winter. Then I add in new potting soil, chock full of ingredients I can’t say or spell. And I carefully place my young new plants in a hole dug just for them and gently fill and pat the soil all around their new home. Finally, I dust off my dirty gloves and stand back to admire the overall effect.

Unfortunately for my new green-stemmed friends, at this point, my passion tends to run a little dry. It’s pretty hard for me to remember to water these guys, even though I know they’re at a fragile stage of life and struggling to make it through the transition from nursery to the big world outside it. And my sweet Goldendoodle, Boomer, certainly doesn’t make it any easier for them—he’s quite fond of pulling these sweet annual blooms right out of the ground or pot for an afternoon snack.

After years of battling my predisposition to being pumped at the beginning and then quickly losing interest (or in all honesty, hoping my husband steps in), I’ve finally realized that it’s all about making it a regular part of my routine and working it into my every day in a natural way.

So now after I take the kids to school each morning, as I’m walking back in the door, all I have to do is lean down to grab my waiting watering can. I fill it up and take just a minute before diving into my work day to focus on my flowers, especially the new ones. And once a week, I try to mix in a little fertilizer to help them stay bold and strong. Later as my kids and dog play in the yard, I take the opportunity to quickly pull a weed here and there or “dead head” to encourage some new blooms. And it’s no longer such a chore or something that overwhelms me and makes me feel guilty about all those good intentions.

All of this is honestly similar to how I struggle as a parent to really help my kids grow in their faith. Maybe you can relate. It’s pretty easy to snag up the latest book or bookmark a new blog full of ideas. It’s a lot harder to think through how you’ll put what you learned into play this week.

I want to help my kids connect the dots and increase their understanding of what it can look like to live out what they believe. That’s what I think will help their roots grow down deep—so they can survive the transitions and challenges that will and do come. And by thinking about natural points during the day when we have time together as well as pointing out what’s going on around us already, it’s not really adding anything to an already busy day—it’s just making the most of all the opportunities to grow!

What are some practical ways that you as a parent help your kids faith grow deeper? How can you make it a part of the rhythm of your day or week?

Cara Martens is the 252 Groups Director at Orange. She loves to write, research, and develop creative ideas. Cara and her husband, Kevin, have two kids and live in Texas.

The Includers

Monday, March 12th, 2012

The summer before my 8th grade, we moved to a new state. My dad’s job relocated our family from a non-descript Midwestern community to an affluent East Texas town, steep in Southern culture. As soon as we arrived in our new city, one of my dad’s business associates introduced me to Lizzie. Undoubtedly my father’s colleague recognized that making new friends amidst middle school would be no easy chore, and certainly not in a town with generations-old cliques and social circles. So on my behalf, he invited a young family friend who was also my age to attend a small dinner gathering welcoming my family. Within seconds of first meeting Lizzie, she was coaching me on who to know and how to survive my new middle school. Over dinner that night, a friendship was begun.

In many regards, Lizzie and I were unlikely peers. I was a pudgy 14 year-old with short bangs and a limited wardrobe. Lizzie was the well-dressed, perfectly manicured offspring to Texas oil aristocracy. I came from both a family and a culture where life was understated. Lizzie’s family mingled among famous names. Her world was colorful. And while it was sometimes overstated, it was always entertaining. Lizzie had a million friends. If there was something big going on, Lizzie was in the middle of it and usually in charge.

Frankly, Lizzie didn’t need another friend. However, within days of our first introduction, Lizzie telephoned to inform me of my upcoming social schedule. Lizzie had already contacted various friends and cleared bringing me as an added guest to future planned gatherings. Lizzie didn’t just take me along to “The Back to School Bash” lunch out with the girls and events at our church, she ensured others were engaging me on these occasions. Thanks to Lizzie, within days of my arrival in a new town I had an almost instant set of friends to see me through middle school and beyond. Lizzie continued to include me in her world and expand mine even into college.

Lizzie gave me the gift of friendship that was bigger than she could ever be. Looking back, I now recognize that Lizzie was both big-hearted and unafraid of risk. She didn’t fear rejection for carrying in a slightly awkward acquaintance to an established set of friends. And she cared less about the changing dynamic of adding a new voice to a circle than she did nurturing a new friend. Lizzie was an “includer.” Now nearing age 40, and reflecting on the people who have had the greatest influence and impact in my life, I recognize that they were all “includers.”

It can be easy to get caught up in a group of peers and be comfortable without even noticing those on the outside. Maybe it comes more naturally to some, but it’s important for all of us to learn the skill of thinking of others and helping them feel included. How are you being an “includer” among your own peers? How are you teaching your children to be “includers?”

Along with her husband and young son, Amy Fenton Lee lives in Cumming, GA. For more on Amy and her writing see www.amyfentonlee.comand www.theinclusivechurch.com.

Studio 252 Update : Conviction

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

It fueled Martin Luther King Junior. It fed Women’s Suffrage. It fosters protests, marches, and rallies. It has the power to both start and end wars. It is what makes the human race continue to socially evolve.

Conviction. All it takes is one person standing up for what’s right. One person refusing to sit back and watch—giving others the courage to take a stand and eventually, make a change for the better.

Conviction is such an essential virtue to learn at any age. That’s why we are dedicating the month of March to help you teach your family about the importance of conviction. At studio252, we put our creative powers together to come up with new, fun ways for you to connect as a family while learning important life lessons. This month, we have focused on Conviction and defined it as standing for what is right, even when others don’t. So check out studio252.tv and find endless ways to talk to your children about conviction this month! Here are just a few to get you started:

• Watch as the hilarious Studio252 team learns an unforgettable lesson about what it means to stand for what is right
• Have a family discussion about different ways to show conviction in certain scenarios
• Check out some cool stories about kids that have taken a stand and made a big change

And for more insight on the idea of conviction, watch this video preview by Reggie Joiner:

Preview: Rooted (March 2012) from Orange on Vimeo.

Rooted in Conviction

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

Have you tuned in to watch The Firm on TV yet? I remember reading the bestseller years ago and later watching the movie as this young lawyer graduates and gets his first job. I can still picture he and his wife celebrating by buying pizza with change they found in the couch! But then things got way more complicated and he struggled to live out what he believed, almost losing everything he really cared about in the process.

This lawyer drama is just one of the newest offerings, joining a long history of popular shows from Boston Legal to more reality TV trials like Judge Judy. I think we’re drawn to these stories because of the CONVICTION (or lack of it) on display week or week. We want to see how it turns out—will the characters stay true or lose their way?

The classic definition of conviction is “holding a firm and strong belief.” And conviction is not just standing for anything. The characters that we root for are standing for something that’s right. And really you’re standing by what you believe is right because you wouldn’t know how to live with yourself if you didn’t.

Conviction isn’t just a strongly held opinion—it’s a powerfully held belief that’s got to be founded in something truer, deeper, and stronger than just you. This brings to mind of another trial more than five hundred years ago.

In an old movie about Martin Luther, there’s a scene when he is fighting for his life because of what he’s written. Men in robes want him to admit he was wrong. So the camera zooms in on Luther’s response. He’s shaking with fury. He stares down his accuser, and he gives his famous and defiant speech ending with “I cannot and will not recant.” It was such a powerful moment—you just expected the music to swell and for Luther to jump on his horse and ride off into the sunset. It’s a great picture of biblical conviction.

But the historical account of what really happened tells a different story. When he was asked, “Will you recant?” Luther actually said, “I was wondering if you could give me another day to think about it.” Another day to think about it? Is that really conviction? As a matter of fact, it is—the best kind.

Through the night, Luther wrestled with his beliefs. He questioned his own conclusions. He re-evaluated his ideas. The next morning when he stood before his accusers, he wasn’t arrogant or angry. He was broken and nervous but he said with a simple seasoned resolve: “Here I stand, I can do no other; may God help me. Amen.”

These words teach us something important about conviction. Conviction isn’t about ego. It isn’t pounding your fist on the witness stand to be heard. As a parent, it made us realize a few important things about conviction. It doesn’t just happen instantly. It’s developed over time.

Conviction is built by continually doing what’s right and good, day after day. That’s why a great verse for kids to know is 2 Thessalonians 3:13, “Never tire of doing what is right.”

Ultimately, what Martin Luther had over Ethan Hunt was years of time spent getting to know God, reading what He’d written and internalizing that—so that when the day came, he could stand by what he’d written too.

That’s what we should want for our kids–conviction that stands and lasts because it’s deeply rooted in the character of God, not in an individual’s personal opinion or attitude. If we’re not connected to the nature of God, we are like a wick without oil. And we will burn out quickly.

We’re excited to focus on getting rooted in conviction this month to raise up a generation of kids who will grow up knowing how to stand for what is right, because they’ve spent time getting to know who they put their faith in.

For more ideas on how to talk to your kids about the idea of conviction, watch Reggie talk about it in this month’s preview video and find out what’s going on over at Studio252.

Studio 252 Update: Honor

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

In just a few days you—along with millions of parents across the globe—will be elbow deep in papier-mâché hearts, macaroni covered hearts, handprints in the shape of a heart, red and pink heart-shaped cards, and so much more. But in the midst of all the homemade valentines and sugar rushes, take a moment with your child to recognize the meaning of this special day—one day set aside to let others know just how valuable they are to you.

Sure, we should celebrate those closest to us every day of the year and we hope you do in some small way, but sometimes it’s nice to take a detour from your daily routine to truly honor someone in your life. In fact, we are spending the entire month of February talking about just that: Honor. We simply define honor as letting someone know you see how valuable they really are.

So even after the hubbub and chaos of the 14th dies down, spend some time as a family talking about what it means to show honor to those around you. Who should we honor? What are some ways to show honor? How can showing honor change someone’s attitude? Come together to discuss these ideas and more with fun family activities like these:

• Watch as the Studio252 staff honors an overlooked team member.
• As a family, brainstorm ways to honor different people in your life.
• Spend time making unique postcards to send to all your friends.
• Remember to honor those in charge by taking turns playing a friendly game of Simon Says.

You can find great explanations of these activities and so many more when you visit studio252.tv and download this month’s CueBox. Get access to fun games, videos, and blogs when you sign up!

Honor: Who We Are Not What We Do

Wednesday, February 8th, 2012

We’re approaching the time of the school year when we’ll honor our young people: from high school graduates in their cap-and-gowns and life-will-change-forever speeches to kindergarteners earning ribbons for tying their shoes to “participation trophies” for you name the sport. It’s pretty easy to get honored by somebody during this season of accomplishment.

Honor, though, is more than a shelf full of trophies or even a yearbook full of accolades.

True honor comes not because of what someone has done, but because of who someone is.

Lexographer Samuel Johnson defined honor in this 18^th century old-school way: “nobility of soul….magnamity….a scorn of meanness.” I like that last one….wouldn’t we all be better off if we had a “scorn of meanness?” Honor is about a quality of virtue, not a quantity of accomplishments.

When we define honor that way, it doesn’t come and go with seasons of approval and distress. When we honor people because of who they are instead of what they have done, honor becomes a permanent attitude, an enduring way of regarding someone with hope and respect.

Stuff may lose value over time, but not people. If we see people the way God sees people…if we allow honor to flow from our own relationship with God…we’ll be less likely to practice a strings-attached honor and more likely to reflect His unconditional care and compassionate understanding.

One of the best ways we can honor God is by honoring those who reflect the image of God, and that’s everybody. For our kids, that means we can teach them from an early age to live out Romans 12:10: “Love each other deeply. Honor others more than yourselves.”

When someone understands the principle of honor, it changes the way they treat everyone.

They tend to see people that are typically overlooked by society, with a different kind of value.
They tend to see those who are in authority with a different kind of respect.
They tend to see their peers with a different kind of appreciation.

People start showing honor when they understand those around them were created by God, and in the image of God. As parents, we have an opportunity to teach our children to look at the people around them in a different way and value them not for their accomplishments, but for their true worth.

Watch this month’s 252 Basics preview video as Reggie unpacks more on showing our kids what it means to honor others.

Preview: The Ultimate Challenge (February 2012) from Orange on Vimeo.

Noah’s Story

Friday, January 20th, 2012

Melaine Rose Photography

After several responses to our post earlier this week about Rick Smith and his NoahsDad.com website, we thought it might be interesting to hear Rick’s first-hand account of the journey.

by Rick Smith

“I’m so sorry.”

Those were the first words we heard from my wife’s OBGYN shortly after our son Noah was born. Instead of flowers, streamers, bubble gum cigars, and the usual fanfare that greets a family after the birth of a child, we received those three (very powerful) words,

“I’m so sorry.”

From the second Noah was born, the world began to tell Abbie and me that we had just been Punk’d by God. That He just decided to take us from one story (a joyful happy one) to another (a sad depressing one.) You see, our son Noah was born with a third copy of his 21st chromosome, otherwise known as Down syndrome.

The world says that kids like Noah aren’t worth it. In fact, after Noah was born we learned of a heart-breaking statistic: over 90 percent of children who are known to have an increased “risk” for Down syndrome by prenatal testing are aborted. Let that sink in for a bit. That’s nine out of 10 children. Aborted. The world says that children like our son aren’t worth it.

Abbie and I learned that Noah was born with Down syndrome a few hours after his birth. We were blindsided. We never saw this coming. Having a child born with Down syndrome wasn’t “supposed” to be part of our story (at least in the one we had written for ourselves.)

We were scared, confused, excited, hurt, joyful, nervous, and hopeful. (I’ve come to learn that those feelings usually happen when God has something wonderfully better in store for your story.) Above all else, we knew that God knew just what He was doing, and so we trusted Him with our story. And we began to pray. A lot. Along the way, we also learned that God writes way better stories for our lives then we ever could.

We prayed almost nightly that God would somehow, someway use our story to help change the way the world thinks about people who are born with Down syndrome. We even prayed that all of these babies would be brought to full term, and have a shot at life. I know it sounds like a crazy prayer, but God likes bad odds.

The idea behind our blog, NoahsDad.com, was to give the world a window into what life was like for a family raising a child born with Down syndrome. To give them a look into our story and show the world that ours isn’t a sad story. It’s a beautiful one that deserves to be celebrated. To show people that kids like Noah are worthy of life.

The response has been overwhelming. People all over the world have begun to write in and tell us of the hope and encouragement they found through our daily one-minute videos. In other words, they found hope by us sharing our story.

Stories are powerful when they are shared. If we hide our story or think no one wants to hear it, no one will hear it. I hope our story encourages you to tell your story. To celebrate it. You never know how God can use your story to change the world.

Never forget that God loves bad odds. Just ask Daniel…or Noah…or Abraham…or Moses.

-Rick (Noah’s Dad)

New Years Resolution: Self Control

Sunday, January 1st, 2012

So you’ve stuffed yourself full of black-eyed peas, cabbage, and fish. You’re bound and determined to solve all the world’s problems this year… or at least lose five pounds. You promise your family and friends to be around more. You have a detailed plan to get out of debt in the next twelve months. You’re making grand plans to volunteer more, get organized, maybe learn a new language.

But what happens when someone brings fresh doughnuts to the office? When you find an incredible deal for that flat screen you’ve had your eye on? When you get hooked on a new reality TV show?

At Studio252 this month, we are going to talk about the very thing that can make your New Year’s resolutions more than just a great idea—self-control. We define self-control as simply choosing to do what you should do not what you want to do. So what’s fun about that?? Well, get your family together for some of these activities and find out just how fun learning about self-control can be!

Watch as the studio252 team learns a very important lesson about just how important self-control can be!
Practice self-control by playing a classic game of Simon Says.
Bake a batch of cookies together—without eating all the dough!
Let your kids show off their self-control skills by pushing the cart next time you’re at the store!

Practicing self-control can be a lot more fun than it sounds, but the best part of self-control comes when it’s all said and done–when you avoid the break room or TV room all day and you get to see the fruits of those New Year’s resolutions. So for more tips, games, and ideas for you and your family, visit studio252.tv and download this month’s CueBox!