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A Week at a Time

Monday, January 28th, 2013

“They grow up so fast.”
“You better enjoy them while you can.”
“They will be gone before you know it.”

That’s what old parents like me say to young parents.
I’m not really sure why.
It’s probably because that’s what someone said to us when our kids were young.
So we feel like we are responsible to pass it along.

One day I am fully expecting a young mom or dad to respond with. . .
“Actually I wish they would grow up a little faster.”
or “No. I haven’t enjoyed them at all today.”
or “That’s sad. Why can’t they go somewhere now?”

Okay, so maybe no parent would dare say that out loud.
But what is a parent supposed to
feel
do
say
when someone makes them feel like time is running out with their kids?

Admit it. Don’t you sometimes feel like it’s just another way of saying. . .

“You better get your act together as a parent because you’re running out of time. The future of your children is coming like a freight train, and if you’re not careful you will miss out on what’s important and mess them up for the rest of their life.”

Maybe the next time an older parent says something like that to you, you should drop to your knees, grab them around the leg and burst into tears. Then ask them, “Oh no, how did you know that? Please tell me what am I supposed to do?”

Okay, that may be a little too dramatic. But the point is time is moving faster than many of us realize. Somewhere there is a clock counting down the number of weeks you have left with your kids before they move on. If you stop to think about it, a lot can happen in a single week!

Here’s a list of possible milestones for a child growing up today:

Cries	week 0
Stays up all night	week 2
Coos	week 10
Crawls	week 30
Throws mashed peas	week 35
Stands	week 40
Babbles	week 50
Walks	week 60
Flushes valuables	week 70
Connects words	week 80
Brushes teeth	week 90
Colors the walls	week 110
Goes on the potty	week 130
Begins Kindergarten	week 260
Gets visited by the Tooth Fairy	week 338
Loses training wheels	week 364
Brings homework you don’t understand	week 416
Multiplies	week 442
Stops believing in Santa	week 468
Rolls eyes	week 468
Outgrows the kids menu	week 494
Wears deoderant	week 520
Starts thinking they’re smarter than you	week 572
Enters Middle School	week 572
Gets braces	week 597
Stays up all night	week 624
Legally posts on Facebook	week 676
Starts High School	week 728
Asks to date	week 728
Shaves	week 730
Gets first paycheck	week 806
Drives	week 832
Is allowed to date	week 832
Takes the SAT	week 858
Visits colleges	week 884
Graduates High School	week 936

Considering the potential of what can happen in a week, let’s spend this next week on Orange Parents thinking about how to simplify the daunting task of 936 weeks of parenting our kids through childhood. What if we started thinking about how to parent just one week at a time?

First, what milestones would you add to this list?

Three Minutes

Monday, December 17th, 2012

Painting by www.hannahjoiner.com

I’m sure you have heard the news. There’s no reason to recap details or re-analyze the circumstances surrounding the events of last Friday. Over the next week, our country will be inundated with stories and images of the 20 children and 6 educators who were killed on December 14. It only took about three minutes to traumatize a community and shock a nation. But as the whole story of what happened in those three minutes has been revealed, it’s obvious that evil was not the only force at work.

Here’s the point. I don’t disbelieve in God because evil happens; I tend to believe in God because of how people act when evil happens. How else can you explain …

- Teachers running directly into danger.
- Children intuitively rescuing each other.
- Strangers showing up to care for families they don’t know.
- Parents showing compassion for relatives of someone who murdered their child.

It only took three minutes last Friday to remind us there is evil in the world, but those three minutes also showed there is good in the world too. I hope the lessons we learned from the families and leaders of Newtown will challenge and inspire us. Romans 12:21 says, “Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” The principle is clear:

Whenever you face an evil element in this world that harms you or people you love. . .
Don’t give up.
Don’t just go on with your life.
Keep doing as much good as you can
because it’s good that overcomes evil.

As simple as it seems, doing good is the secret to healing, recovery, and living beyond tragedy. The best strategy to win against what is wrong in this world is to do what is right.

Those three minutes will cause commentary and debate that will last for years. Everyone already has an opinion and each expert has a different spin on new solutions to keep those three minutes from ever happening again.

Some of the advice includes. . .
putting God back in the schools.
adding stricter gun control policies.
giving every school armed security guards.
stopping kids from playing violent video games.
creating better mental health programs.
teaching parents better skills.

These are important conversations to have. For the sake of all of our children, we should get better at stopping evil at the door. But improving policies and laws will never be a substitute for the individual responsibility we each have to do good in this world.

The reality is evil exists, but it never has to win. It may triumph for a few minutes like last Friday. But the story of Christmas reminds us that evil will lose the war and that good will ultimately prevail.

If you try to imagine what the children at Sandy Hook Elementary lived through during those last three minutes of their life.

It’s unfathomable.
It’s incomprehensible.

I decided instead to start imagining what the children of Newtown may have experienced during their first few seconds in eternity. It helped me deal with this event mentally and emotionally when my daughter Hannah painted a picture that depicted her perspective. I may be naïve but I embrace a concept of heaven where someday everything wrong will be made right.

While there will be a host of families grieving this Christmas because someone is gone, there will be at least twenty children who will spend their first Christmas somewhere too incredible to describe. Imagine what the first three minutes there was like.

Call me an optimist, but I happen to believe the first second in eternity will immediately erase the worst that evil can do in a lifetime.

As long as you are here on earth though, you are called to overcome evil with good. So whenever you think about those three minutes at Sandy Hook Elementary School look for an opportunity to do something good. And while you’re doing it, say a prayer for the families in Newtown, Connecticut.

Different Paths

Tuesday, October 30th, 2012

Photo by Reggie Joiner

This article by Reggie Joiner is a great reminder of why it’s important to develop individuality in our kids:

There is a Scripture passage that has been misused often by leaders. “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.” I had always heard it interpreted as “teach your child right from wrong, and they will keep doing what is right.” Actually, a closer reading of the passage by scholars suggests that the tense of the word “child” in the Hebrew is referring to late adolescence. And the phrase “in the way he should go” is describing a unique path or direction that makes sense for that specific individual. My own over-simplified translation for the verse is “When your middle-schoolers discover and develop their personal strengths and get on the path that is designed for them, they will keep doing what they love to do.”

Okay, I’m not a scholar, and I’m sure you can poke holes in it, but I really do believe this principle. Parenting is not just about helping your children get on the right path, it’s really about getting them to discover the right path for them. I have seen this principle demonstrated too many times in positive and negative ways. I am with adults all the time who hate what they do. They have been on a path for a long time that doesn’t really work with who they are and how they were designed. Our goal should be to tap into the energy that we can find when we focus on our strengths and play in our zone.

According to Jenifer Fox, there are three different kind of strengths we should be looking for in our children: activity strengths, learning strengths, and relational strengths. As an education reformer she has written a book every parent should read, “Your Child’s Strengths – Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them.” She is also responsible for starting something called the Strengths Movement for Youth. The following is an excerpt from her website www.strengthsmovement.com.

“What is the Strengths Movement for Youth?

The Strengths Movement for youth is an educational and parenting movement that seeks to provide a new paradigm for the ways we educate and raise children.

The core principles of the movement are the following:

1. Every child has a unique combination of strengths and when those strengths are nurtured, engaged and challenged, young people have the greatest opportunity to find success and happiness.

2. Happiness and personal fulfillment are the result of meaningful work and meaningful relationships. The quickest path to this is a focus on strengths rather than human deficits and weaknesses.

3. When teaching and learning is customized for the learner, higher quality work will result than when the environment is standardized.

4. When young people are encouraged to discover and work within their areas of strengths, they are most likely to develop talent.”

So…take a minute and write down one or two of you children’s strengths. Start looking for ways to help them develop their unique talents. Your job as a parent is not just to help your children get on the right path, but to encourage your children to discover the path that is right for the way they are uniquely designed.

A Secret for Dads

Monday, September 24th, 2012

Instead of the typical blog, I thought I would share something I wrote for Mark Taylor this weekend for his daughter Kristi’s wedding. It was for the part of the ceremony when the father gives away his daughter. We have been friends with Colette and Mark for almost two decades.

“I was watching some of the younger dads last night at the rehearsal dinner holding their kids, and I wondered if they knew the secret you and I know, the secret that every dad discovers sooner or later. You and I have talked about it a lot of times. It’s a secret that no one told us when we were younger, or if they did tell us I’m not sure we really paid attention then. Here it is:

As soon as your daughter is born, you have to start learning to let go.

Knowing when to hold on and when to let go is more complicated than we ever imagined it would be. That’s because daughters trick you at first. When they are toddlers, they hold on to you pretty tightly and make you believe they are never going to let go. So you do what a dad should do, you hold on too. They may wander off a few feet, but they always come running back.

When they become young children, they act like they believe everything you say. They want you to be there for them at their games, their plays, and every other important moment. They need your affirmation. So you keep holding on, because you want to lead them and guard their heart.

Then somewhere around middle school, they start teasing you. They let go when you are not expecting it, and they do it more often than you feel like they should. They even start behaving like they expect you to let go more, but they never really tell you when you should let go or when you should hold on. Somehow, you are just supposed to know. It’s really confusing. The complexity of decisions can put you in a daze as a father.

Without warning, they become teenagers and start moving toward adulthood at warp speed. That’s when there’s a temptation to panic. You don’t want them to see it, but it feels like there is so much at stake. These years can fluster even the best of dads.

Personally, I know there was a tendency for me to hold on too tightly when I should have let go, and a tendency to let go too soon when I should have held on. The problem is there is no textbook, parenting seminar, or 24-hour counselor to explain exactly when you’re supposed to let go and exactly when you’re supposed to hold on.

So you do the only thing you know to do. You guess. You pray. You feel your way through every decision.

Sometimes you get it right. Sometimes you don’t. But you never stop trying to figure it out. Because of ONE primary reason: she’s your daughter. And you want her to know that you will never stop fighting for her future and for your relationship with her.

Mark, you have always had an amazing reputation for loving your girls. You have proven over and over again that they are a priority to you. All the while in the back of your mind, you have carried this secret that one day you will have to let Kristi go. Now that day is here. And you will have to choose to trust someone else to hold on to her.

In just a second, you will let go when you walk back to your seat. This may be the only time in your life as a dad when it is crystal clear that you have to let go. And I know when you leave her side and go sit over there by Colette, there will still be a piece of you standing here. But by doing this, you are letting every dad in on the secret of fatherhood.

This is a stewardship. God gives you your daughters for a moment in time and then you have to let go and let someone else hold on.

So Mark, who gives Kristi to be married to JR?”

Family Tension

Thursday, August 30th, 2012

I grew up talking about my family a lot—what I didn’t like, what I’d do differently when I was dad. I thought, sometimes idealistically, that things would be different when I was in charge.

Of course, now that I’ve been “in charge” of four kids for more than two decades, I’ve got a great deal more respect for my parents than I did back when I knew everything. But my parents really wanted the same thing for us that Debbie and I want for our kids: to have a better life than we did, to avoid the mistakes we made, to have more opportunity than we had.

Andy Stanley is exploring this idea right now in his new series at North Point called “Future Family.” No, it’s not about George, Jane, Elroy and the rest of the Jetsons. This series is a thoughtful, sometimes humorous look at the reality that, while we all came from a certain kind of family, the kind of family that we want for the future probably looks a lot different from our family of origin.

This idea of “family of origin” is all the rage these days in psychology circles. Psychologists define your family of origin as the family you grew up with (people you didn’t choose) versus the people you connect with now (people you likely chose.) The importance of your family of origin shouldn’t be understated: that’s where you learned to be loved or feel rejection, where you learned to make wise decisions or saw poor decisions repeated over and over again, where you found out that you’d always be safe, or you’d never be safe.

Andy’s messages are tackling these big issues.

Even though your family was far from perfect, there are some ideal qualities that God seems to want to see in our families. As you might expect, these aren’t necessarily the usual markers of suburban success. God didn’t say anything about a BMW, a two-car garage and a star soccer player. Instead, the virtues that God designs in a family are the same ones that Jesus demonstrated as He walked along the road with His disciples. (Did you ever think about the idea that when the disciples followed Jesus, their families probably followed too? It wouldn’t be right to leave them at home when Peter and the guys were having all that disciple-fun.)

Andy asks a question that goes like this, “Are you willing to accept that there’s an ideal, but also accept that your family’s the way it’s going to be with all its imperfections and inadequacies?” How does this change the scorecard?

We’ve been talking for a while about the difference between a perfect picture and the reality of the way families are. Only about a quarter of the families look like the Jetsons: a dad, a mom and one or more kids. Most families—the vast majority—are blended families, single-parent families, no-parent families, grandparent families, even two-dad and two-mom families. (That last part’s a reality, whether we’re ready for it or not, and challenges the way we think about our neighbors.)

Nobody talks about tension better than Andy and this is one place where we need to live in the tension, even embrace it.

“Jesus is inviting you, in fact I think Jesus is instructing you and is instructing me to follow Him into the complexity of family life and carry the tensions between what’s real and what’s ideal,” Andy says, “The question is: will we embrace the standard that many of us have fallen short of or will we redefine terms so we can feel better about where we are? . . . Yes, we fall short, we don’t always get it right. But I’m not going to change the rules so I can feel better. I’m willing to live with the tension between reality and this ideal Jesus gave us.”

The biggest reality is, as Andy so strongly communicates, you can have a say in what your Future Family looks like. You can make wise decisions that lead to your family being different from the family you came from or the family you were afraid you’d become. That’s the kind of future we can all look forward to.

(Access videos and discussion questions from Andy’s Future Family series at http://NorthPointMinistries.org/FutureFamily

Who is the Homemaker?

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

I have discussions with working moms quite frequently related to the competing values of pursuing a career and being a mom. There seems to be a tremendous amount of pressure and sometimes guilt associated with trying to juggle their responsibilities. One mom of preschoolers recently confided: “Being a mom is just different than being a dad. At least with a baby it is. . . . I guess in an ideal world there’s a 50/50 split of laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, bedtime story telling, baths, boo-boo kissing, etc. But is that really true for families you know? When I check with my friends, my husband seems to be more involved than the average, but I’m still the primary homemaker.” When I asked what she meant by the term “homemaker” she said: “I don’t know another word for it. It’s all the work that happens at home. Someone has to do the job.”

We could pause here and address the pressures of single parenting. But that’s another blog, for another time. Right now, I am wondering how many married moms sometimes feel like a single parent when it comes to homemaking? Okay, that’s probably a dramatic comparison, and maybe it is unrealistic to try to find a 50/50 solution. I also understand that some personalities in a relationship may be just more naturally wired to assume the homemaking roles. At least that’s the excuse I used when my kids were preschoolers. I did improve slightly with the parenting duties when they moved through the elementary years and into their teens. But if homemaking is “all the work that happens at home,” then maybe we should be more creative in how we share the responsibilities.

I made the mistake of getting a list of homemaker responsibilities from this mom. This was the partial list she sent:

“Planning play dates, picking a preschool, arranging for childcare, going to the pediatrician, tracking development, grocery shopping, getting pictures taken and sent to grandparents, filling out the baby book, recording memories, disciplining, reading discipline books, changing diapers, buying baby clothes, making baby food, preparing meals, making sure we’ve always got the epi pen, potty training, giving baths, knowing the nap schedule, interpreting baby-talk, coming up with fun and educational games, teaching manners, networking with other moms (parents), planning birthday parties, going to other kids birthday parties, packing the diaper bag, changing batteries in the toys, laundry, laundry and more laundry. . . . As kids get older, it’s also figuring out what sports and activities to sign up for, finding the best piano teacher, discovering the right baseball league, going to teacher conferences, PTA, driving to practice, going to games, recitals and shows, helping with homework, researching books and movies before they read them or go see them, keeping up with their friends—it all seems overwhelming.”

She is not suggesting that her husband will not help with her homemaker responsibilities. She is just implying that she feels primarily responsible.

If you are a dad reading this, what I’m about to ask you to do could be dangerous.

Look at the list above and attempt to write a percentage of your involvement next to some of the homemaking responsibilities. (For example, what percentage of the laundry or grocery shopping do you do?)

Am I suggesting that you should do 50 percent of the laundry or diaper-changing? Not necessarily. But maybe you should pick a few of items on the list and increase your level of involvement. Bump that 10 percent to 20 percent. Or better yet, do 75 percent of the laundry. Contrary to what some may say, it won’t make you a wimpy, spineless man if you increase your homemaking skills. It could be a positive step for your family and marriage if you took some of the pressure off mom.

What About Working Mothers?

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Yeah, it is a redundant statement. Of course, every mother works. And it is extremely risky for any man to give advice about women working outside or inside the home. I’m not sure how I would feel if a mom wrote about how a man should provide for his family. Of course, a woman who understands her place would never attempt to tell a man anything he should or shouldn’t do. (I hope you can recognize sarcasm when you see it. If not, you should probably stop reading this.) I am not by any means an expert on the issue of moms and their workload, but I have made a number of observations over the past few decades. I’d like to start this discussion with these two. (Remember, I only get about five hundred words in this blog, we will cover more in days to come.)

1. Mothers who work outside the home tend to assume more responsibility for homemaking duties than their husbands.

It makes sense. Someone has to assume the primary responsibility for taking care of the kids and feeding the dog. If women didn’t step up to the plate, someone could die. Naturally, mothers are the ones who should be responsible right? Aren’t they created to be the homemaker and the nurturing force in the family? Or has culture pushed them into a destiny of household duties because of their child-bearing abilities? Whatever you believe, I think it’s pretty easy to argue that a lot of moms feel a deeper sense of guilt when things are not working right at home. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. It can be biblical, cultural or logical, but the point is mothers tend to be the first to add homemaking to whatever is already on their job description. But what if it’s just not healthy for mom’s to assume so much responsibility?

2. Fathers who work outside the home tend to let mothers feel more responsible for homemaking duties than they feel themselves.

Of course, I’m not talking about manly duties, like paying the bills, hanging pictures, or cutting the grass. (Although, I actually managed to delegate those to my wife as well.) I’m talking about all the things that a woman is “supposed to do” to make the home a man’s castle. That’s what the home is supposed to be right? It actually makes a lot of sense. Why? Because men work so much harder than women during the day. Doesn’t every man deserve to come home to a hot meal, respectful children, and a tail-wagging dog. Okay, maybe not. What if it’s not healthy for dads to allow moms to assume so much responsibility? I am honestly not trying to redefine parental roles in the development of a child. I am just referring to the complexity of tasks related to making a home.

On the one hand, a number of men are trying to share more of the burden of homemaking, and it is a good thing. On the other hand, I believe the tendency is still there for a lot of dads to let mothers assume and feel responsible for more things than are humanly possible to do. I regret to say, I did it. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could go back and do a much better job at changing the diapers, cooking dinner, and cutting the grass. Well, maybe not the diaper part, but I wish I had understood more of a working mom’s burden. So, let’s spend the next week engaging in a constructive conversation on how to help working moms. What do you think?

How to Become a Narcissistic Parent

Friday, May 25th, 2012

Webster defines Narcissism as:

a. excessive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.

b. extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

My experience suggests that most narcissists don’t know they are narcissistic. Narcissism can even creep into your parenting style if you are not careful. In case you are wondering how you can become a narcissistic parent, I wrote down a quick list of indicators.

You can be a narcissistic parent if you think…

My children’s primary responsibility is to serve me.

It makes sense actually. It’s the reason some parents have kids. Not only should your kids serve you now, this will help them know they have to take care of you when you are old one day.

My children should help meet my emotional needs.

Why not load your kids down with your personal baggage and issues? Shouldn’t they be the key to resolving your problems? Dump whatever is bothering you on your kids as often as possible. Maybe dealing with your mess is the best way for them to become healthy adults one day.

My children’s behavior should prove to others I’m a good parent and person.

Make sure your children know that how they act is a reflection on what people think about you. Always discipline them quickly if they embarrass you so they will understand your image is at stake.

My children need to know how talented and gifted I am.

Brag often about yourself. It may also help inspire the best in your children if you compare them to yourself. When you spotlight how smart and talented you are to them, it should push them to try a little harder.

My children should never see me lose an argument with my spouse.

Never appear weak to your children. Always make sure they see you stand strong and firm when your spouse challenges you. Sometimes you need to demand respect in front of your children so they will respect you.

My children’s dreams should reflect what I want for them.

Remember this could be your last chance. So make your dreams come true through your children. Besides, aren’t you the one who has paid for their education? They should become whoever you need them to become to fulfill your life goals.

My children exist to be a positive extension of me.

Isn’t that the point of parenting? Aren’t you creating a little “you”? Isn’t the goal of parenting to put someone else on the planet for people to look at and be reminded of you? Tell your kids everyday that they represent you to the world.

My children’s approval can give me an advantage over my spouse.

It’s an important principle to demonstrate. Remember as long as you have the kids on your side, you tend to win. So manipulate them if necessary. It’s so important for your kids to be forced to take a side, or they could grow up and never learn how to use others.

My children’s happiness is dependent on my happiness.

It’s simple, if you are not happy, they should not be happy. You should establish this precedent early in their life. It’s up to you to train them to be sensitive to what you need and want. Don’t let them get away with enjoying anything if you are not getting your way.

My children’s problems are never as critical as mine.

Make sure you trump whatever problem they have with one of yours that is obviously worse. They need to know that what they face as a child is trivial to what you face as an adult.

My children should listen to me more than I should listen to them.

Enforce the attitude in your home that “Children should be seen and not heard.” You paid your dues as a child, now you are the parent. Make it clear that you are in charge. Your opinions are far more important. And you have the right to make sure you are not challenged in anyway.

Don’t Try To Be Famous

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Photograph by Reggie Joiner

Who was your Great-Grandfather? Do you know his name? Whenever I ask the question, most people have no idea. They know their parents and their grandparents, but it usually stops there. They definitely don’t know much, if anything at all, about their great-great-grandfather. I imagine the primary reason is because they didn’t grow up knowing them. It’s sobering to think about how quickly someone is forgotten. Most people want to make a mark. Everyone wants to be remembered. We all want a little fame – at least enough so we are remembered by our own tribe.

One of the last things my grandfather said was, “Don’t forget me?” I always thought it was a strange request, because the reality is you and I will probably one day be forgotten. Unless you invented Apple computer, wrote Harry Potter or became President, your name will likely not be remembered beyond a century or two. Even if you succeed at becoming really famous, distant history will probably only describe you in a few sentences or paragraphs. The reality is that your children’s children’s children will never know who you were. I’m sure you are thinking, “Hey thanks for such a positive message. Now I know one day I will be forgotten!” Sorry, but it’s true. So what should you do about it? Maybe you could stop right now and set up a Wikipedia page so you can make sure your great grandkids can Google you in the twenty-second century! Or, you could consider asking yourself a different question. Instead of “How can I be famous?” Maybe you should simply ask, “How can I leave a legacy?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about the question this last week. Primarily because Reggie Gattie, a first cousin and close friend, died May 14 after an intense and long battle with melanoma cancer. Reggie was almost a decade ahead of me in age, so he was referred to as “big Reg” in our family. I got stuck with the name “little Reg.” He was a worship leader for most of his adult life. The past 16 years, he served at Prince Avenue Baptist in Athens, Ga. So Tuesday night before his funeral, I sat down to try to answer the question, “What are the words that sum up Reggie’s life?” One of the words I kept thinking about was the word “legacy.” Reggie never really seemed pre-occupied with making himself famous, but he definitely left a legacy.

Fame and Legacy are very different in nature.

Fame focuses on how often others think about you.
Legacy focuses on how often you think about others.

Fame pushes you into the spotlight.
Legacy pushes someone else into the spotlight.

Fame pursues popularity.
Legacy pursues character.

Fame will not matter in eternity.
Legacy demonstrates that eternity matters.

Fame points to you.
Legacy points to God.

It’s really a tricky issue, because we all want to be famous, at least with those who are close to us. What would happen if we became more concerned with what our kids think about God, than we are with what they think about us? I took this picture of Reg walking with his grandson Jack at our last family reunion. I couldn’t help wondering, “How much will Jack remember about his grandfather when he grows up?” Then I realized that’s not the point. Reg didn’t live his life to be known. He lived his life to help others know God. Reg wasn’t trying to be famous, he was trying to leave a legacy.

Your Mother Would be Ashamed If . . .

Monday, February 20th, 2012

Your Mother Would be Ashamed If…
she saw you treat another mother that way.

I have four children. They are all over twenty. So it’s easy to forget how complicated the infant years actually were.

I was on a plane a few months ago sitting directly in front of a mom with a newborn. (I bet you know where this story is going.) Actually, her baby was amazing. Not one whimper the entire two-hour flight.

But the other baby that was directly across the aisle was not so quiet. I honestly believe there was only one ten-minute stretch where this kid was not wailing. It was the kind of scream that hurts your teeth if you are sitting within one hundred feet. The mother tried everything she could think of—toys, videos, pacifier, food, wine. Nothing worked.

You could tell the mother was extremely stressed and a few of the passengers were pretty irritated.

There was a lady in front of me who kept turning around and glaring backward across the aisle every few minutes. She would roll her eyes, sit back down in her seat and mumble a complaint loud enough for everyone to hear. At one point she actually stood up and glared at the mom with the infant for a few seconds as if to say, “Can’t you control your screaming baby?”

By the time we landed everyone was pretty nervous and exhausted. When we pulled into the gate, people began to stand up and get their luggage. That’s when the lady in front of me turned and looked at the quiet child sitting directly behind me. She raised her voice so the other mother could hear and said, “Thank you for being such a good baby.”

I turned and looked at the mom with the crying child in time to see her turn red and drop her head in embarrassment. My biggest regret that day is I didn’t look the rude lady in the eye and say, “What did you say? Your mother would be ashamed if she saw you treat another mother that way!”

Now, every time a baby starts crying, and I’m around non-mothers or adults who are not accustomed to infants, I feel the urge to stand up and do a PowerPoint presentation. I just think it’s important for everyone who is not a new parent to remember the following things when someone’s baby is annoying you.

1. You were a crying baby once.

I bet you annoyed someone like you. And I guarantee you could stink up a diaper as good as anyone. So don’t be a hypocrite.

2. You had a mother.

And she gave birth to you. (I’m not claiming to understand what any woman goes through in labor, but I have heard it is like “taking your bottom lip and pulling it over your head.”) The point is, every mother went through what your mother went through, so show some respect.

3. Children are the future.

Okay. I know that’s a song and not an original thought, but a good presentation has three points. (It would really create a moment here if the soundtrack could kick in while you are reading this.) Anyway, imagine what this world would be like without children. Before you get sarcastic with that last statement, really think about it. If this world was just full of adults, it would be a sad place.

I know there are some parents who act like the world revolves around their children. They totally ignore the distraction their baby makes in the middle of church, a restaurant or a professional setting. But most parents are doing their best to manage the situation. When you are flying above 10,000 feet, your options are limited.

So, next time you are in an airport, and you see a nervous mom getting ready to board the plane, look her in the eye, smile and say, “Thanks for being a mom.” Make your mother proud!

If you happen to be a mom, getting ready to fly, here are a couple of tips that could be helpful at disneyfamily.com and deliciousbaby.com.

Got any flying infant stories or tips?