Author Archive : Reggie Joiner

Wooden Nickels Increase in Value

Monday, September 12th, 2011

Did you know the value of wooden nickels is going up? It actually hasn’t happened yet everywhere. But it could happen any day now. So I’m giving you a heads up in case you want to invest in some wooden nickels while there is still time. I would pay at least $20 each, maybe even more. I’m sure this seems a little odd, but I discovered a secret about wooden nickels yesterday.

I was traveling around Memphis trying to find a BBQ place where I used to eat as a kid in the 70s. That’s when it happened. Out of nowhere, I remembered the wooden nickels they would give out when we would pick up our meal. It’s hard to explain, but I suddenly became obsessed with finding the same restaurant that gave me wooden nickels. Then I went on a quest to find one of the rare wooden coins. I drove to an antique mall outside of town, asked my parents, googled relentlessly, and even called friends I hadn’t talked to in years. Finally a 70-year-old father of a friend told me he thought he remembered a BBQ fast food place giving out wooden nickels over 30 years ago. That was all the confirmation I needed to continue on my mission.

Those wooden nickels have definitely gone up in value, at least for me. (Not just any wooden nickels by the way, but wooden nickels from BBQ places in Memphis.) I’m sure this probably seems like a strange quest, but these nickels were pretty important to me as a kid. Evidently they weren’t as significant to my parents, because they have no recollection of the wooden nickels whatsoever. In their world of trying to raise and provide for a family, a wooden nickel wasn’t worth much. It couldn’t pay for the groceries, the mortgage or help them save for a college education. So it wasn’t as meaningful to them as it was to me when they handed me a simple token that came with my BBQ sandwich.

Isn’t that how it is sometimes? What doesn’t seem very important to us as adults, can potentially be huge to our children. And now that I am an older parent with aging parents, I can’t stop thinking about wooden nickels. They represent all those countless times when my parents did something in their ordinary routine of parenting and didn’t realize how valuable it was. They have given me a lot of wooden nickels over their lifetime. During my teens and twenties, I’m not sure I recognized how valuable those deposits were. But somewhere in my thirties and forties, I started realizing how much those wooden nickels were really worth.

Maybe my new interest in old wooden coins is connected to the fact that my mom discovered she has lung cancer a couple of weeks ago. The prognosis looks good and surgery is this Wednesday. But I keep thinking every day about her investments in my life for so many years. Wooden nickels may not get you the same return as gold in this economy, but as a parent don’t underestimate the potential they can have in your kid’s life over the long haul.

Just remember whenever you

go for a bike ride,
cook a favorite meal,
host a party,
go fishing,
play cards,
throw a ball,
write a note,
take a walk,
sing a song,
watch them play,
tell a story,
laugh together,
tuck them in,
see a movie,
go to church,
or take a trip

you are handing your kids wooden nickels that one day may be worth more to them than you could possibly imagine.

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Did You Know?

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Every year about this time, two professors from a small college in Wisconsin publish a “mindset” list to remind us that the entering college class has a completely different knowledge base than previous generations. You’ve probably seen the list. For example, this year’s freshman class has always had cellphones, always ordered books from Amazon, has never known a communist Russia. Most striking of all on this year’s list? Ferris Bueller could be their dad.

The mindset list reminds us that knowledge is always on the move. When we narrowly define knowledge as the dictionary does, we forget that facts and information can only take us so far. What really matters—what really tests our knowledge—is what we do with what we know.

As a parent, we navigate that journey as we build into our kids an understanding of the world around us. One of the ways we can do that best is to think about the destination before we get too far along on the journey.

Roll those years forward. Imagine the end of your child or teen’s formative years. What’s it look like after he or she has become an adult? What are the most important things that we want our son or daughter to walk away with and know once they leave our home and head for college and beyond?

With that end in mind, we define knowledge a little differently, with a more active sense. For us, knowledge is “discovering something new so you can be better at what you do.”

Kids are naturally curious. They are wired at birth to question, explore, and discover what they don’t know. If we are not careful about how we handle learning, kids can grow up and grow out of being interested in discovering new things. The future of your children is not only linked to what they know, but to their desire to keep learning. Whether they realize it or not, adults have the ability to turn the discovery dial up or down in a kid’s life. If you are going to turn it up, you need to become intentional about looking for ways to intrigue them with new ideas and insights about life.

Keep the story in history.

Keep the mystery in science.

Keep the application in math.

And when it comes to spiritual issues, be careful you don’t define God in such narrow terms that He’s no longer as huge and miraculous as He really is.

What are some ways we can help our kids value learning this month?

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A Parent’s Plea

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

My children are now twenty-six, twenty-four, twenty-two, and twenty years old. I am more convinced than ever that the leaders who have invested in my son and daughters during their elementary and teenage years have had critical influence. Those were important years that have affected their concept of God. There are countless stories and faces of the people who have influenced their faith and molded their views, people who will be lifelong friends to them.

As important as their teenage years were, this stage is different. The stakes are extremely high. Over the past couple of years I have watched my kids struggle with college and career choices, establish new friends, move into their own spaces, move back home again, date, and in a couple of instances go through heartbreaking situations that emptied them emotionally. The one thing I am most grateful for during this phase is the adult men and women who invest in my children’s lives. I am smart enough to know that I am not the only leader they need to help them navigate these years.

I decided a long time ago to look for opportunities to encourage them to connect with mentors and leaders our family could trust to be wise voices in their worlds. At some point in my life, I realized I should be involved in doing the same thing I hoped other people would do for my children. I have watched college-aged people wait tables, manage retail stores, hang out at movie theaters and coffee shops, and I’ve seen they are almost always with their peers. It seems like they disappear in the eyes of the adult population that walks by them or orders from them or sits next to them.

Something has changed in me over the past decade when I see someone in this age bracket. When I meet someone who is college-aged, I think about my kids, then I think about their parents, and I wonder what I can do that would reflect what I would want another adult to do if this were my son or daughter. It’s not that I am extremely gracious or noble; it’s just that I am a dad and I have children, and I know adults who care about my kids. So I tend to care about other people’s kids; it’s just contagious that way. I have this tendency to tell every adult I meet to consider investing in someone who is college-aged.

So here’s the question for parents of all ages: Who is the college-aged person in your life you need to adopt?

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The Grace Distinction

Friday, August 5th, 2011

Last night, I sat outside until midnight with seventeen college-aged interns talking about what happened at BigStuf camps this summer. This morning, they packed their bags and headed back to their different states. I was moved last night by several comments from the students about how their understanding of grace this summer helped them break free of so much guilt and legalism.

It reminds me of my favorite book on the subject of grace, “The Grace of God” by Andy Stanley. One of the reasons I like it so much is because it clarifies the distinction that sets Christianity apart from so many other religions. It focuses on the one issue that should characterize how we see ourselves and others. The issue really is about grace. I wish every parent and leader would keep this book in their library. I think it would help us all live a better story. Here is one of my favorite sections:

“Everybody in every religion eventually falls short on some point. We know that to be the case, because all these systems offer advice on what to do when a person messes up. But that’s where the common ground ends. At that point, each has its own approach to making up for failure to adhere to the rules. So to summarize:

  • There is a God.
  • God has a standard for individuals to live by.
  • But it’s too hard.
  • Good luck!
  • See you on the other side . . . maybe.

Religion highlights our inability to live up to a divine standard, thus creating a gap. But experience does as well. We fall short of our own expectations; we don’t need religion to tell us that we really aren’t all that good. We’ve all had to say, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong.” Once we fail, there’s something in us that prompts us to try to make up for our failures with better behavior, generosity, or promises. And while we can do better going forward, there’s nothing we can do about the past. We can’t go back and be a better parent, better husband, or better wife. We can’t go back and un-cheat, un-lie, un-addict. Being perfect going forward doesn’t erase the past.

That’s what makes Christianity so unique. That’s what makes grace so powerful. Jesus came into the world and did what nobody else could do. He affirmed the list. He kept the Law. He declared God’s law good. But then he offered himself as the answer to the question no one could answer: “Now that I’ve messed up, what do I do?” What the rules and the rule givers could not do, Jesus did by laying down his life as the full and final sacrifice for sin. Christ’s death and resurrection signaled to the world that the kingdom of God is not reserved for good people. It is reserved for forgiven people.

Good forgiven people. Pretty good forgiven people. Not-so-good forgiven people. And people like the criminal on the cross who didn’t have any good to bargain with.”

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It’s All About Grace

Tuesday, August 2nd, 2011

If you think about most of the religious systems in the world, the concept of grace doesn’t make any sense. It doesn’t seem to fit with the way life should really work. If you do something good, you are rewarded. If you do something bad, you are punished. The goal of life is to tip the scales by doing more good than bad. But that’s why grace is so significant. And when you really understand grace, it changes everything. It changes the way you see God. You begin to understand that His love and passion for you are not determined by your actions. It changes the way you see yourself. All of a sudden, you understand that even with all your baggage, God has the ability to change you forever. And it changes the way we see each other.

That’s why we define grace for children in your home and in your ministry as getting something great that you don’t deserve. Judgment and reward are both based on the idea of getting something you do deserve. But grace is different entirely. Grace totally tips the scale in your favor. Grace isn’t fair. It isn’t balanced. Grace is a gift that is undeserved and unearned. When you understand God’s grace it only makes sense that you would extend that grace to other people. As a matter of fact, you are never more of a hypocrite than when you won’t show someone else grace after you have been given grace.

As parents and leaders, the most powerful thing we can hand our children is an understanding of the stories Jesus told that reflect God’s grace. The story of a rebellious son that got a party when he should have gotten the 1st Century equivalent of “grounded for life.” The straying sheep with a shepherd who never gave up the search even if it meant leaving 99 other sheep waiting. I don’t know about you but I want my children to always remember they can never run so far they can’t come home. They can never get so lost that God will stop pursuing them or welcoming them back into a relationship with Him.

Grace changes everything. In our personal relationships, grace means we can overlook something somebody does wrong and offer hope and redemption instead of judgment and unforgiveness. In our relationship with God, it means He resolves our shortcomings by making His grace more powerful than anything we could do to disappoint Him. Everybody could use a little more grace. In these days when life seems so hurried and difficult, grace means we take a deep breath, gather a little perspective, and give somebody something great that they don’t deserve. Grace is the single most life-changing concept that gives us a bigger perspective to live out a better story.

For more on how to talk to your kids about Grace, watch this video below and read the newsfeed to find out what’s going on at Studio252 this month.

VIRTUE VIDEO: GRACE (August 2011) from Orange on Vimeo.

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Mission: Persevere

Wednesday, July 6th, 2011

When the last space shuttle takes off from Cape Canaveral this week, it will carry with it many of my own memories from the time Debbie and I lived on the Space Coast of Florida.

Many of the members of our church were NASA administrators, flight controllers, scientists, and operational specialists. We didn’t have so many full-time space jocks in Florida (most of the astronauts lived in Texas), but we had the men and women who made them fly.

I listened as my friends at the Kennedy Space Center would describe the exquisite calculations required to send someone into space and what it took to propel a four-million-pound spacebus 250 miles straight up at 17,000 miles per hour. Talk about bang for a buck…..a single shuttle mission cost almost half a billion dollars.

What’s the most important scientific principle that kept the shuttle in the air (and the non-air of zero gravity)? Perseverance.

When the Challenger exploded, NASA had some of its darkest days.

The shuttle program could have ended on January 28, 1986. But dreams were too strong, the drive for the stars too powerful.

That’s when perseverance became NASA’s most important tool: perseverance is “steady persistence in a course of action, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles or discouragement.”

One of my friends in Florida was Conrad Nagel, who serves as chief of the Shuttle Project Office and was right in the middle of the events of that day in 1986. He was also in charge of the shuttle Atlantis, one of the first shuttles launched when the program resumed two years later.

In 1988, Atlantis represented our national will to persevere and return to space. And it’s that same Atlantis scheduled to fly the final shuttle mission on Friday.

Perseverance matters in parenting too. Forging on through the daily difficulties of fighting for your family is just as important as any space mission.

When we selected perseverance as the July virtue for our kids, we defined it as “refusing to give up when life gets hard.” Refusing to give up is what fighting for the heart is all about. We’ll all be tempted to give up, from the very first middle-of-the-night diaper to the broken curfews of senior year. But if you make the intentional decision to fight FOR your kids instead of WITH your kids, you’ll persevere.

That’s why whether you’re piloting a space plane or picking up the kids at school after another long workday, this passage from Isaiah can propel you forward: “Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” (Isaiah 40:31, NIV)

The writer of Hebrews was thinking of saints like Isaiah when he wrote some powerful passages about perseverance. For example, he mentions Moses specifically when he says Moses “persevered because he saw Him who is invisible.” He knew that we would be fortified by the examples of those who had come before us.

So here’s what’s mission-critical. Just as we’re encouraged by stories like those, the stories of how we ourselves persevere in times of great difficulty will influence and inspire those who follow us. The next time you’re tempted to give up or give in, remember this: you’ve been given everything you need to soar on wings like eagles.

After all, it’s not rocket science.

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Is It Worth It?

Tuesday, June 28th, 2011

"Holden, Cashmen, and Ava" —photo by Reggie Joiner

I went to bed early Sunday night to get ready for the next Panama City Beach BigStuf Camp—1500 teenagers start arriving today for the next camp—so I watched part of a movie I had seen a few years ago called, “Marley and Me.” On the surface it’s about a dog called Marley, but the real story is about trying to raise a family and stay married. In the movie, John and Jennifer Grogan worked for a newspaper company and moved to Florida to start a family. I re-watched the scene last night where they get in an intense fight and Jenny demands that John get rid of the dog. After John has delivered Marley to a friend to keep for a few days, he comes home to Jennifer. Here’s an excerpt of the scene:

Jenny: No one tells you how hard this is all gonna be.

John: Which part?

Jenny: All of it. Marriage, being a parent. It’s the hardest job in the world and nobody prepares you for that. Nobody tells you how much you have to give up.

John: I feel like they do tell you, but you don’t listen…or you think, ‘Ah, they’re just miserable.’

Jenny: I’ve given up so much of what made me who I am. But I can’t say that because…I’m a very bad person if I say that. But I feel it. I really do. I feel it sometimes. I just- I just want you to know that.

John: I do know that. And you can say it. I say it.

Jenny: But I did make a choice. I made a choice, and even if it’s harder than I thought…I don’t regret it.

John: Are you sure?

Jenny: I am very sure. ‘Cause it kinda has like a…’there’s no place like home’ feeling to it. I just think these things are gonna happen and we’re gonna get through them. And we’ll just do it together.

John: Together.

Jenny: Getting rid of Marley is not gonna fix anything.

John: No?

Jenny: And getting rid of you isn’t gonna fix anything either. Can I ask you a favor?

John: Yes.

Jenny: No more kids for a while.

As a Dad I have a confession to make: It is hard being a parent. There have actually been moments I wondered if it was really worth it. But looking back, I know it was. I believe I could have worked a little harder at it. I know now there are a host of things I would do differently. And these days I find myself really missing my kids a lot. It’s not because they are not in my life. They are around all the time, and I am grateful. They are just not in my life as kids, anymore. One of the most sobering truths to process as a Dad at my age is that my kids will never be kids again. I wish someone had explained that clearer when I was younger. I just didn’t know that it would go by so fast. I just wish it had really sunk in deeper, when they were still kids.

Chrystina Fincher, a good friend of mine just sent me her new music video. This is one of the songs on her newest release “Coast to Coast with a Sunburned Heart” — you can find it on iTunes. I know Jayce, Chrystina, Holden, Cashmen, Ava personally. I guess that’s why her video was a little emotional for me. I hope it will remind you why it’s worth it to be a family, and why we should all spend time with our kids, while they are still kids.

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Are You Cultivating a Heart of Passion?

Monday, June 13th, 2011

Our solar system is moving
490,000 miles per hour around the center of our galaxy.

The earth is moving around the sun
at 67,000 miles per hour.

The surface of the earth at the equator moves
at a speed of 1,000 miles per hour around the earths axis.

That’s a lot of movement for one planet.
You say, “Who cares?”

That’s exactly the point.

For an earth that moves so quickly,
it seems like too many people are stuck.

They need to move more
Radically
Deliberately
Passionately
To engage with those who live
in the world around them.

Why is there a crisis when it comes to our passion?
Why isn’t this generation more compassionate?

It could be that while the world is spinning one way,
we are turning the passion dial in the wrong direction.

Instead of turning passion up,
We are turning it down.

It could be that we have stifled passion
in the next generation without even realizing it.

Of course for any leader or parent who wants to stifle passion in their kids
here are some suggestions:

• Isolate them from people who are different than they are.

• Protect them from any experience that could be risky.

• Make sure you do for them what they can do for themselves.

• Get them involved in as many church programs as possible to keep them out of trouble.

• Keep them from leading anything significant while they’re young.

This generation is in danger of getting stuck in a version of Christianity that is never
challenging
dangerous
adventurous.

What if Christianity has become too
carpeted
air-conditioned
sanitized?

We have spent so much time telling teenagers what they shouldn’t do,
we haven’t let them experience what God wants to do through them.

We need to sharpen our skills to
Incite Wonder
Provoke Discover
Fuel Passion
in the heart of the next generation.

We win as parents and leaders if our teenagers walk away one day and believe:

I am created to pursue an authentic relationship with my Creator.
I belong to Jesus Christ and define who I am by what He says.
I exist every day to demonstrate God’s love to a broken world.

These beliefs echo again what Jesus said two thousand years ago about how
we are supposed to love God and our world.

There was genius in what was contained in His message to
“Love the Lord your God… and love your neighbor as yourself.”

This one passage holds the key to the
identity
autonomy
and belonging
that characterize the passage to healthy adulthood.

That’s why it’s so important to appeal to the passion instinct
in the hearts of teenagers while they are still with us.

It can solidify their role on this planet.

What are you doing to either cultivate or stifle a heart of passion in your kids?

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I Doubt It

Monday, June 6th, 2011

You and I naturally believe. We trust in things everyday that we cannot see or prove. Most of us are quick to imagine the impossible. We are hard-wired with the potential to have faith. Yet at the same time, we naturally doubt. We are skeptical, curious, and inquisitive. Sometimes, we even ask questions that make those around us nervous. (Or we ponder questions that we are afraid to ask out loud because they make us nervous.)

Everyone processes their faith in different ways and at different speeds. All of my children have unique personalities, but I do remember one conversation during their elementary years when we were riding in the car.

Hannah, who happened to be the spokesman for the family even in the second grade, blurted out a question. “Dad I don’t get it. Some of my friends say there’s not a God, how do I know they are wrong and I am right?”

RP, who was in the 4th grade at the time, became extremely concerned about his sister’s soul and responded, “Hannah you can’t ask questions like that. You’ll go to hell.”

Sarah, the positive kindergartner, could sense the angst in the car, and took her best shot to resolve the tension. She clearly explained, “Don’t worry about it RP, Dad will explain it to her and she’ll be okay.”

Now I personally think that’s too much pressure for a parent. If any of you think that your job is to prove to your kids there is a God, you are probably going to live a pretty stressful life as a parent. Here are a few things I have decided when it comes to the faith of my kids:

1. Relax when your children ask skeptical questions.

Don’t even try to always have an answer. It’s an important part of the process of growing and solidifying what you believe. If you want your children to own their own faith, then you have to let them face their own doubts. Doubt is a necessary detour to take at times if you want to arrive at a deep and personal faith.

2. There is always a degree of doubt in anyone’s faith.

I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t admit they have doubts. Doubt is actually okay. I used to think your spirituality was measured by “how much faith you have.” Somewhere along the way, I decided it had more to do with “where you put your faith.” When it comes to flying, it really doesn’t matter if you believe or if you are skeptical, as long as you have enough faith to step on the plane. Planes carry people with different degrees of doubt and faith everyday.  It’s not the amount of faith, but the object of your faith that makes the difference. A pastor once told me. “You don’t need great faith in God. You need faith in a great God.”

3. You will never talk your kids into believing what you believe.

You may have a primary role in shaping your kid’s faith, but you will never be able to control what they believe or don’t believe. If you could simply talk your kids into believing what you believe, then chances are someone else will talk them out of it one day. The spiritual growth of your children will take a number of twists and turns during their life. Most of us tend to forget the complicated spiritual journey that has shaped our faith. We expect our kids to skip that somehow.  It will probably be hard at times, and you may even have to get to the point as a parent where you have to trust God with your kid’s faith. I know that may take a little faith on your part.

What are your thoughts on shaping a kid’s faith and handling their doubt?

VIRTUE VIDEO: FAITH (June 2011) from Orange on Vimeo.

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Who Am I?

Tuesday, May 31st, 2011

Photo by Mark Wilson

There is an age-old debate
that affects how I see myself.

Some say I am
broken
damaged
faulty

So I am stuck.

While others say I am
unique
special
gifted

So I can do anything.

And the controversy sometimes gets heated
While parents get confused.
No one is sure how to move ahead.

Some leaders say those who work at building children’s self-esteem are raising kids who will exhibit a lifestyle of entitlement and egotism.

Other specialists say those who talk about children being innately bad are raising a generation that feels inferior and insignificant.

Every expert has an opinion. Many promote their agenda by pushing the opposing opinion to the extreme.

It happens in
education
politics
economics
and even
religion.

Cults and heresies start by teaching what’s true, then push a truth to an extreme while separating it from other balancing truths.

We love to analyze, scrutinize, and dissect truths until they are twisted and some cases, lifeless.

By the time Jesus showed up in culture,
the Pharisees had systematically distorted what was timeless into a code of behavior for their generation.

So Jesus very carefully picked up the pieces of broken truth
and neatly re-arranged them with love in the center.

Then everything made sense.

Those who teach have a critical responsibility to present God’s truth in a way that
captures the imagination
engages the mind
appeals to the heart

It’s less about information and
more about transformation.

Christianity is a journey where you move in and out of recurring insights that collectively form a higher view of the world.

What are those insights?
They begin with understanding the
Design
Identity
Connection
of who you are.

You can add
Faith
Transformation
Truth
as you continue to discover how to live.

You will soon realize that the
Christian faith is paradoxical.

God is love.
But God is just.

We live by faith, not works.
But faith without works is dead.

I am broken.
But I am redeemable.
Both are true at the same time.

It is important to discover my untapped uniqueness in the light of my evident imperfection.
Understanding them both is essential for my future.

Who I believe I am
will affect who I become.

God designed you with an intrinsic sense of worth and significance.

According to what God has said about you
You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You are His workmanship created to do good works.
You are the light of the world, the salt of the earth.

So it’s your move.

To discover your
physical talents
spiritual gifts
personality traits

It’s ok to believe that you have been made in a remarkable way.

It’s healthy to figure out how to tap into your strengths
so you can live a better story.

It’s wise to discover
and to encourage others to discover.

Discovery is a shared experience,
and a personal process at the same time.

If your job as a parent is to
“help your child move in a positive or forward direction,”
then remember that means you often lead them one step at a time.

So here’s the question for today: In what ways do you help your children discover who they really are and who they are becoming? How can you help them discover a healthy sense of identity?

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