Make it personal « Orange Parents

PARENTING TOPIC: Make it personal

God Don’t Make Junk!

Wednesday, September 12th, 2012

I remember a bumper sticker from years ago that used to say “God don’t make junk!” I remember it because a) it was true, and b) it was a rusted out car that was up on blocks.

Obviously, the sticker wasn’t referring to the rust bucket. It was talking about people. That car was, trust me on this … JUNK! I could tell from the missing wheels. I could tell from the rusted holes in the fenders. I could tell from the missing front bumper and cracked windshield. I could tell from the dent in the roof. In fact, the most care this car had seen in its lifetime may have been from the person who pasted that bumper sticker on it in the hopes that passers-by would get the joke. It was easy to evaluate that car on sight. It didn’t matter who made it. It didn’t matter how old it was. It was way too far gone to be of any use to anyone.

This month in our 252 Basics curriculum, we’re talking about RESPECT – showing others they are important by what you say and do. Why is respect so important? At the heart of it, there really is only one reason: “God don’t make junk!” God made people. God loves people. God put some of them in charge.

Of course, people aren’t as easy as cars when it comes to determining their value. There is no “Blue Book Value” for people. But if we’re honest, we find it all to easy to try to assess them based on things like their appearance, performance or intentions to determine who deserves our respect. We want even those who are in authority to earn our respect.

Still, the idea holds true – “God don’t make junk!” In spite of all the reasons we come up with for withholding our respect from certain people, there is no argument when it comes to their Maker. God made them. God loves them.

No one has the ability to demonstrate the principle of respect as clearly as a parent. When a mom or dad demonstrates how to treat others and respect authority, it can make an impression on a child that lasts a lifetime.

This month, when our kids come home talking about THAT teacher that ALWAYS gives too much homework and NEVER explains how to do it … maybe we can react in a way that maintains respect. Or maybe when the person in the drive-thru gets our order wrong, we can still find a way to demonstrate to the entire mini-van that people are more important than chicken nuggets. We can use our words carefully, and measure our actions in a way that reflects a deep understanding that … well, God don’t make junk.

Greg Payne is a multi-talented creative writer for Orange and 252 Basics. He has been married for 17 years, has two daughters and two unnamed dogs. He is a grill and smoke enthusiast, tree house builder, vacation planner, and Mario Brothers competitor. (There’s much more, but we won’t list it all here…)

Out of the Box

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

Have you ever noticed that we tend to put ourselves in a box? Think about it. It’s so easy to define ourselves by specific things or circumstances that show up in our lives. In my personal box, there’s my incredible wife, my two teenage sons, my house, my job as a pastor. In my spare time, I like to ride my bike. You get the idea. That’s pretty much me. In my box. All summed up.

The problem is, when I think about my life this way, it’s easy to get preoccupied with the wrong thing. Did you notice it when I described my box? Were you paying attention to what I said? Yeah, it’s the word my.

It’s interesting how such a small word can make such a big difference in the way you feel about the world. As long as I keep thinking about this as “my” box, then it becomes very natural, for me to think about “me” a lot. It’s also logical for me to decide that the more stuff I get in my box, the happier I will be.

I’m sure you never do this, but I catch myself sometimes looking around for more stuff to add to my box. Sometimes, I actually want something that’s not in my box, simply because it’s not in my box. Instead of being grateful for what I have, I become frustrated because of what I don’t have. I have even been known to look in someone else’s box, and want something because they have it and I don’t.

Something radical happens when I look at my box, or my life, as not really mine. When I see my box as really God’s gift to me, it changes everything. When I see that all the stuff in here is somehow connected to God and the story He wants to tell with my life, it begins to change the way I see everything. When my world doesn’t revolve around me, my situation looks a lot different.

Trust me, whenever you remember to shift your focus from “me” to God, it will affect your level of contentment. Selfishness can ultimately lead your children to become sour, grumpy, unhappy and discontented. But when you teach them to see their life as a gift from God, it sets them up for a life of contentment and fulfillment.

That’s why this month in 252 Basics, we want to explain something to kids about contentment. One way you could define contentment is like this: Choosing to be happy with what you’ve got. In other words, you can choose to be happy because of what God has actually given you.

Contentment is a heart issue. The solution for being content is trusting God—in all circumstances, trusting in the One who is able to meet your needs each day.

Really, if we trust God, there’s not only no need to worry about tomorrow, but there’s no reason to be distracted by what others have, or what’s off limits, or what we we used to have. When we really trust God, we will be content with exactly what He has put in our box for today.

Do you struggle with contentment? How do you address the issue with your children?

Read more ideas on how to talk to your kids about the idea of contentment in the newsfeed.

Guilt-less Lessons of Love

Thursday, July 5th, 2012

We all want to teach our kids to put others before themselves and treat others the way they want to be treated. But how in the world do you do that? That is, how do you do it without using “that” voice: the condescending, “feel guilty, feel very guilty, and now do what I tell you to do out of robotic obligation” voice?

Recently my husband brought me a gift. The box was white, rectangular, and had an apple on the top. I couldn’t have been more excited even if it had been a jewelry box.

It was a new iPhone. We didn’t really have money to spare for it, but he knew I had been longing for a phone with a better camera for family pictures and also for a year-long volunteer project I had committed to that needed to be done with excellence.

Four days later when I pulled my brand new phone out of my purse to check the time, there was a hair on it. But the hair didn’t move when I brushed it. I squinted my eyes and looked closer then felt something in the pit of my stomach. It was a top-to-bottom crack. I was so upset, especially when I found out there was no repairing or replacing the phone without incurring a substantial expense.

I. Was. Devastated.

Later that evening, my daughter confessed that she might have been responsible for the crack when she snuck into our room to see my new phone and dropped it face-down on the floor. Anger and disappointment flooded over me.

Knowing that we were focusing on loving each other by treating others the way we wanted to treated this month helped me craft my response. I want to help be a “learning tool” for the kids.

So, I took a deep breath, swallowed the “I’m so disappointed in you, I can’t believe you did that, you broke my new phone” speech that had welled up in my gut and instead spoke my “lesson-teaching” words.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. I’m so thankful that you were honest with me. And you’re so much more important to me than a phone.” And at that point I couldn’t finish my sentence because I had to fight back unexpected tears. All of a sudden I realized that I truly meant the words I had originally intended to be a lesson to my kids.

Although I had aimed to set an example and be a teacher in that moment, I was the one learning the lesson. Teaching our kids to love others starts with us. And it’s something we will always be learning and re-learning together.

Anything that we are attempting to instill in our children must genuinely be a part of who we are or what we are attempting to live out, especially when the floor cracks the iPhone, because the floor will crack the iPhone.

When we respond in love, we are setting the ultimate example for our children to put others before themselves and treat them the way they want to be treated.

And when the day comes that you back your car over their precious texting machine, maybe, just maybe, you’ll hear: “It’s okay, mom, I forgive you. And you’re more important to me than my phone.”

Jenna Scott has degrees in Professional Writing/Technical Communication and Secondary English Education with a Bible minor. She was halfway through her Master’s in Management when she and her husband, Dan, rapidly grew their family to include four amazing kids: Liam, Ellison, Addison, and Taye. Besides running a tight ship at home, Jenna actively volunteers as an elementary tutor, is a small group leader at her church, and is trying to make a difference in the community by serving on the local elementary school PTA board. You can follow her blog at jennascott77.wordpress.com.

Who is the Homemaker?

Thursday, June 28th, 2012

I have discussions with working moms quite frequently related to the competing values of pursuing a career and being a mom. There seems to be a tremendous amount of pressure and sometimes guilt associated with trying to juggle their responsibilities. One mom of preschoolers recently confided: “Being a mom is just different than being a dad. At least with a baby it is. . . . I guess in an ideal world there’s a 50/50 split of laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, bedtime story telling, baths, boo-boo kissing, etc. But is that really true for families you know? When I check with my friends, my husband seems to be more involved than the average, but I’m still the primary homemaker.” When I asked what she meant by the term “homemaker” she said: “I don’t know another word for it. It’s all the work that happens at home. Someone has to do the job.”

We could pause here and address the pressures of single parenting. But that’s another blog, for another time. Right now, I am wondering how many married moms sometimes feel like a single parent when it comes to homemaking? Okay, that’s probably a dramatic comparison, and maybe it is unrealistic to try to find a 50/50 solution. I also understand that some personalities in a relationship may be just more naturally wired to assume the homemaking roles. At least that’s the excuse I used when my kids were preschoolers. I did improve slightly with the parenting duties when they moved through the elementary years and into their teens. But if homemaking is “all the work that happens at home,” then maybe we should be more creative in how we share the responsibilities.

I made the mistake of getting a list of homemaker responsibilities from this mom. This was the partial list she sent:

“Planning play dates, picking a preschool, arranging for childcare, going to the pediatrician, tracking development, grocery shopping, getting pictures taken and sent to grandparents, filling out the baby book, recording memories, disciplining, reading discipline books, changing diapers, buying baby clothes, making baby food, preparing meals, making sure we’ve always got the epi pen, potty training, giving baths, knowing the nap schedule, interpreting baby-talk, coming up with fun and educational games, teaching manners, networking with other moms (parents), planning birthday parties, going to other kids birthday parties, packing the diaper bag, changing batteries in the toys, laundry, laundry and more laundry. . . . As kids get older, it’s also figuring out what sports and activities to sign up for, finding the best piano teacher, discovering the right baseball league, going to teacher conferences, PTA, driving to practice, going to games, recitals and shows, helping with homework, researching books and movies before they read them or go see them, keeping up with their friends—it all seems overwhelming.”

She is not suggesting that her husband will not help with her homemaker responsibilities. She is just implying that she feels primarily responsible.

If you are a dad reading this, what I’m about to ask you to do could be dangerous.

Look at the list above and attempt to write a percentage of your involvement next to some of the homemaking responsibilities. (For example, what percentage of the laundry or grocery shopping do you do?)

Am I suggesting that you should do 50 percent of the laundry or diaper-changing? Not necessarily. But maybe you should pick a few of items on the list and increase your level of involvement. Bump that 10 percent to 20 percent. Or better yet, do 75 percent of the laundry. Contrary to what some may say, it won’t make you a wimpy, spineless man if you increase your homemaking skills. It could be a positive step for your family and marriage if you took some of the pressure off mom.

What About Working Mothers?

Monday, June 25th, 2012

Yeah, it is a redundant statement. Of course, every mother works. And it is extremely risky for any man to give advice about women working outside or inside the home. I’m not sure how I would feel if a mom wrote about how a man should provide for his family. Of course, a woman who understands her place would never attempt to tell a man anything he should or shouldn’t do. (I hope you can recognize sarcasm when you see it. If not, you should probably stop reading this.) I am not by any means an expert on the issue of moms and their workload, but I have made a number of observations over the past few decades. I’d like to start this discussion with these two. (Remember, I only get about five hundred words in this blog, we will cover more in days to come.)

1. Mothers who work outside the home tend to assume more responsibility for homemaking duties than their husbands.

It makes sense. Someone has to assume the primary responsibility for taking care of the kids and feeding the dog. If women didn’t step up to the plate, someone could die. Naturally, mothers are the ones who should be responsible right? Aren’t they created to be the homemaker and the nurturing force in the family? Or has culture pushed them into a destiny of household duties because of their child-bearing abilities? Whatever you believe, I think it’s pretty easy to argue that a lot of moms feel a deeper sense of guilt when things are not working right at home. It really doesn’t matter what the reason is. It can be biblical, cultural or logical, but the point is mothers tend to be the first to add homemaking to whatever is already on their job description. But what if it’s just not healthy for mom’s to assume so much responsibility?

2. Fathers who work outside the home tend to let mothers feel more responsible for homemaking duties than they feel themselves.

Of course, I’m not talking about manly duties, like paying the bills, hanging pictures, or cutting the grass. (Although, I actually managed to delegate those to my wife as well.) I’m talking about all the things that a woman is “supposed to do” to make the home a man’s castle. That’s what the home is supposed to be right? It actually makes a lot of sense. Why? Because men work so much harder than women during the day. Doesn’t every man deserve to come home to a hot meal, respectful children, and a tail-wagging dog. Okay, maybe not. What if it’s not healthy for dads to allow moms to assume so much responsibility? I am honestly not trying to redefine parental roles in the development of a child. I am just referring to the complexity of tasks related to making a home.

On the one hand, a number of men are trying to share more of the burden of homemaking, and it is a good thing. On the other hand, I believe the tendency is still there for a lot of dads to let mothers assume and feel responsible for more things than are humanly possible to do. I regret to say, I did it. I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could go back and do a much better job at changing the diapers, cooking dinner, and cutting the grass. Well, maybe not the diaper part, but I wish I had understood more of a working mom’s burden. So, let’s spend the next week engaging in a constructive conversation on how to help working moms. What do you think?

Earning Trust

Thursday, June 21st, 2012

Parents instinctively want to be able to trust their kids.

But have you ever flipped the question. Are your kids able to trust you?

I realize that probably sounds strange, but if you want to have influence and a great relationship with your children and teens, trust is essential. Sometimes we demand that our kids be trustworthy but kind of cheat on being trustworthy ourselves.

One of the most memorable stories I’ve ever heard about trust comes from a former professor of mine. One of his sons was ten when he adopted him. An element of their new routine was simple: every day at 3:30 the dad (my professor) would pick up his son at 3:30 after school. The dialogue went like this:

Dad: I’ll pick you up at 3:30. See you after school.

Son: 3:30?

Dad: 3:30.

Son: Are you sure?

Dad: Yes I’m sure.

Son: For real?

Dad: Yes! See you at 3:30.

What was perplexing to the dad is that this conversation happened every day. He couldn’t believe that his new son didn’t believe him. Finally he asked him about it directly one day.

Dad: Why is it you don’t believe me when I say I’m going to pick you up?

Son: I just don’t.

Dad: But I’ve been here every day at 3:30 sharp.

Son: But my old dad never picked me up on time. Ever. He just kept me waiting, no matter what he promised.

Do you see the power of trust?

Trust is earned when we do what we said we were going to do when we said we were going to do it.

After that direct conversation, the son began to believe that his new dad would keep his word. And he did. Eventually, their ability to trust each other became rock solid.

Kids can let parents down for sure. But parents can let kids down and break trust too. Here are some ways parents can lose the confidence of their kids without even intending to:

Being late
Not following through on discipline (When you say, “If you do that one more time I’m going to…” you better do what you said you were going to do, or not say it.)
Making promises you can’t keep (unrealistic but well intentioned promises, like a too big vacation)
Making promises you have no intention of keeping (sometimes made in the moment to end a discussion)
Saying one thing in front of people and another thing behind their backs (Your kids are listening.)

If you want to maintain a great relationship and leverage your influence as a parent, be trustworthy. Your kids will not only learn to trust you, but they’ll learn to be more trustworthy themselves.

What are some trust-makers in your family? What are some trust-breakers?

How to Lose (and Gain) Influence as a Parent

Monday, June 18th, 2012

Photo by Mark Wilson

Every parent wants influence, and while a parent is the greatest influence in a child’s life, that influence can wax and wane with the seasons. In fact, a lot of parents I know feel like they’re losing influence.

Influence is something to pay attention to no matter what stage of parenting you’re at, because ultimately every parent is on a journey from control to influence. We start out with almost complete control of a child’s life, but by the time our sons and daughters are 18 and ready to face life on their own, all we have left is influence.

This raises an important question: How exactly does influence work? It works like this:

We listen most to the people we love the most.

Our kids inevitably do what you and I do: they listen most to the people they love the most. This means that as a parent, you need to establish an authentic, healthy relationship with your son or daughter if you hope be an influence in their lives.

Influence is easy to lose but takes time to build up. Here are five easy ways to lose influence as a parent:

1. Threaten consequences, but never carry them out. Then your kids will know to never take you seriously.

2. Shame, guilt, and frustrate your children. Eventually they’ll want to get as far away from you as they can.

3. Try to be their best friend. Your kids need a parent more than they need another buddy. (As my friend Jeff Brodie says, he’s never met a 15 year old looking for a 45 year old best friend.)

4. Treat your spouse poorly. Your kids will lose respect for you rapidly.

5. Be inconsistent. If your kids never know where you stand, they’ll lose trust in you.

Influence can be lost quickly. But how do you gain it? How do you cultivate influence? How do you create a healthy relationship that lasts?

While this isn’t an exhaustive list, here are five ways to increase the influence you have with kids:

1. Do what you said you were going to do when you said you were going to do it. It cultivates trust, confidence and even respect.

2. Enforce limits. Don’t think you’re helping your kids by letting them off the hook with commitments, boundaries and responsibilities. One day, they’ll thank you for it.

3. Treat one anoher with kindness. Treat the people closest to you with more kindness than anyone else (it’s natural, by the way, to do the opposite).

4. Don’t overindulge your kids. Let rewards be rewards. As a rule, you shouldn’t give your kids rewards for nothing, or for simply doing what’s expected of them.

5. Work on your own character. When your kids see you developing your faith and character, you will have a greater impact on their lives.

If you think about it, the people who are gaining influence with you are probably exhibiting some of the characteristics just listed. You love and respect them because they are responsible, kind, considerate people who stand for something and have a deep integrity. The people who are losing influence in your life are people who are inconsistent and emotionally unhealthy.

While it takes discipline to develop your character and stick to sensible limits as a parent, over time, it will help you gain and keep influence with your kids. And eventually, influence is all we have left with our kids in any event.

What other things have you seen that help parents lose or gain influence?

How to Become a Narcissistic Parent

Friday, May 25th, 2012

Webster defines Narcissism as:

a. excessive interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.

b. extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.

My experience suggests that most narcissists don’t know they are narcissistic. Narcissism can even creep into your parenting style if you are not careful. In case you are wondering how you can become a narcissistic parent, I wrote down a quick list of indicators.

You can be a narcissistic parent if you think…

My children’s primary responsibility is to serve me.

It makes sense actually. It’s the reason some parents have kids. Not only should your kids serve you now, this will help them know they have to take care of you when you are old one day.

My children should help meet my emotional needs.

Why not load your kids down with your personal baggage and issues? Shouldn’t they be the key to resolving your problems? Dump whatever is bothering you on your kids as often as possible. Maybe dealing with your mess is the best way for them to become healthy adults one day.

My children’s behavior should prove to others I’m a good parent and person.

Make sure your children know that how they act is a reflection on what people think about you. Always discipline them quickly if they embarrass you so they will understand your image is at stake.

My children need to know how talented and gifted I am.

Brag often about yourself. It may also help inspire the best in your children if you compare them to yourself. When you spotlight how smart and talented you are to them, it should push them to try a little harder.

My children should never see me lose an argument with my spouse.

Never appear weak to your children. Always make sure they see you stand strong and firm when your spouse challenges you. Sometimes you need to demand respect in front of your children so they will respect you.

My children’s dreams should reflect what I want for them.

Remember this could be your last chance. So make your dreams come true through your children. Besides, aren’t you the one who has paid for their education? They should become whoever you need them to become to fulfill your life goals.

My children exist to be a positive extension of me.

Isn’t that the point of parenting? Aren’t you creating a little “you”? Isn’t the goal of parenting to put someone else on the planet for people to look at and be reminded of you? Tell your kids everyday that they represent you to the world.

My children’s approval can give me an advantage over my spouse.

It’s an important principle to demonstrate. Remember as long as you have the kids on your side, you tend to win. So manipulate them if necessary. It’s so important for your kids to be forced to take a side, or they could grow up and never learn how to use others.

My children’s happiness is dependent on my happiness.

It’s simple, if you are not happy, they should not be happy. You should establish this precedent early in their life. It’s up to you to train them to be sensitive to what you need and want. Don’t let them get away with enjoying anything if you are not getting your way.

My children’s problems are never as critical as mine.

Make sure you trump whatever problem they have with one of yours that is obviously worse. They need to know that what they face as a child is trivial to what you face as an adult.

My children should listen to me more than I should listen to them.

Enforce the attitude in your home that “Children should be seen and not heard.” You paid your dues as a child, now you are the parent. Make it clear that you are in charge. Your opinions are far more important. And you have the right to make sure you are not challenged in anyway.

Don’t Try To Be Famous

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012

Photograph by Reggie Joiner

Who was your Great-Grandfather? Do you know his name? Whenever I ask the question, most people have no idea. They know their parents and their grandparents, but it usually stops there. They definitely don’t know much, if anything at all, about their great-great-grandfather. I imagine the primary reason is because they didn’t grow up knowing them. It’s sobering to think about how quickly someone is forgotten. Most people want to make a mark. Everyone wants to be remembered. We all want a little fame – at least enough so we are remembered by our own tribe.

One of the last things my grandfather said was, “Don’t forget me?” I always thought it was a strange request, because the reality is you and I will probably one day be forgotten. Unless you invented Apple computer, wrote Harry Potter or became President, your name will likely not be remembered beyond a century or two. Even if you succeed at becoming really famous, distant history will probably only describe you in a few sentences or paragraphs. The reality is that your children’s children’s children will never know who you were. I’m sure you are thinking, “Hey thanks for such a positive message. Now I know one day I will be forgotten!” Sorry, but it’s true. So what should you do about it? Maybe you could stop right now and set up a Wikipedia page so you can make sure your great grandkids can Google you in the twenty-second century! Or, you could consider asking yourself a different question. Instead of “How can I be famous?” Maybe you should simply ask, “How can I leave a legacy?”

I’ve been thinking a lot about the question this last week. Primarily because Reggie Gattie, a first cousin and close friend, died May 14 after an intense and long battle with melanoma cancer. Reggie was almost a decade ahead of me in age, so he was referred to as “big Reg” in our family. I got stuck with the name “little Reg.” He was a worship leader for most of his adult life. The past 16 years, he served at Prince Avenue Baptist in Athens, Ga. So Tuesday night before his funeral, I sat down to try to answer the question, “What are the words that sum up Reggie’s life?” One of the words I kept thinking about was the word “legacy.” Reggie never really seemed pre-occupied with making himself famous, but he definitely left a legacy.

Fame and Legacy are very different in nature.

Fame focuses on how often others think about you.
Legacy focuses on how often you think about others.

Fame pushes you into the spotlight.
Legacy pushes someone else into the spotlight.

Fame pursues popularity.
Legacy pursues character.

Fame will not matter in eternity.
Legacy demonstrates that eternity matters.

Fame points to you.
Legacy points to God.

It’s really a tricky issue, because we all want to be famous, at least with those who are close to us. What would happen if we became more concerned with what our kids think about God, than we are with what they think about us? I took this picture of Reg walking with his grandson Jack at our last family reunion. I couldn’t help wondering, “How much will Jack remember about his grandfather when he grows up?” Then I realized that’s not the point. Reg didn’t live his life to be known. He lived his life to help others know God. Reg wasn’t trying to be famous, he was trying to leave a legacy.

Bankrupt Parents

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

When our kids were younger, I was working long hours at the church I pastored. My wife was working part time. The kids were in swimming, music and seasonal sports. And to top it all off, one of them was experiencing night terrors. You know, the kind of terrors where your child screams bloodcurdling cries that convince you a murder is happening down the hall in another bedroom? Those kind of night terrors.

There was one night in particular when my wife and I were both so tired, neither of us thought it was physically possible for us to get up and deal with night terror #638.

Our conversation in bed went something like this:

You get up.

No, you get up.

No, you have to get up. I got up last time.

I can’t get up.

I can’t even more.

Listen, I have to work tomorrow…you have to get up.

I can’t. Won’t. You don’t understand how exhausted I am. You get up or else…

We were both displaying the emotional maturity of a cabbage that night. In fact, when we got up in the morning we both said we understood for the first time in our lives that it was possible for a husband and wife to harm each other. We didn’t, but we felt like we could have. That’s how exhausted we were.

There are some things we understand quite well.

If you consistently spend more money than you make over a long period of time, you will go bankrupt.

If you run out of gas, your car stops working.

If you stop eating, you will get sick and eventually die.

Underneath is is a simple principle: if output is greater than input you suffer. Sometimes fatally.

So why is it that we think that rule doesn’t apply to us as parents?

I am amazed at parents who think that being a great parent = output without input.

Consider this:

We spend more money than we have to give our kids ‘every advantage’

We get up early and stay up late so our kids have a better life.

We so focus our energy and activity around our kids that we rarely have time left over for ourselves.

Much of our days–including weekends–is spent in a tiring cycle of work, household chores, kids activities, homework, sports, lessons, church and more.

What we came to understand in that season of life is that parents have needs too. Not just kids. And if the input into our lives isn’t greater than the output, you start to run flat or you go bankrupt.

That’s why it’s so critical for parents to put themselves first when it comes to personal growth.

Your kids (and the world) are making constant emotional, spiritual, relational and physical withdrawals. The only way to counterbalance this is to make sure that you are prioritizing healthy emotional, spiritual, relational and physical deposits.

This week, make a deposit into each account. Get yourself in a position where you can replenish yourself. Here are some ideas:

Do something you love to do. It will replenish you emotionally.

Spend some time alone with God. It will replenish you spiritually.

Hang out with a friend or family member who gives you life…you know, the kind of person that always makes you better when you’re around them? It will replenish you relationally.

Go for a walk, a run, a bike ride or do something physically rewarding, and then go to bed early. Shoot for eight hours of sleep at least one night (trade off the kids with someone if you need to). It will replenish you physically.

Once you’ve done each of these for a week, start working them into your calendar. If you stay fresh, you will be so much easier to be around. You’ll snap at the kids and at each other less. And you’ll be living the way God designed you to live, and maybe you’ll even find some joy in the journey.

What have you found helps you stay away from emotional, spiritual, relational or physical bankruptcy?