I passed by these cows this week. I was taking a couple of days off while in California to speak to leaders. The herd sits off the famous Hwy 1 that runs along the West Coast overlooking cliffs on the majestic Pacific. They have a perspective of life that most cows just never get. The grass they are eating is worth millions to the right developer. But it’s their grass. If they would just stop what they are doing and look at the bigger ocean, they would find out the grass is greener than they ever imagined. I know they are just cows, but they get to see everyday what people fly from all of the world to catch a glimpse of for a just a few moments. I suspect that their routine has affected their view more than they realize. They have seen it so much, and repeat the same patterns so frequently, the beauty seems to go unnoticed by them.
Okay, I’m not really talking about cows, but I am talking about my problem. I think I’m identifying with the parent who is scheduled, hectic, and trying to keep up with their daily routine. Instead of working on how to become more efficient, maybe just stop and take a look at the view. See how green the grass really is and soak up some of the scenery. I fight work-a-holism like a lot of people, but the point is unless you get as determined to take a break as you are to complete your tasks, you are going to start missing some important scenery.
I am around preschool parents all the time who feel overwhelmed with responsibility and feel guilty for wanting or making personal time. Trust me. You will love your children better if you do something without them occasionally. God designed you to need the kind of emotional deposits that come from a date with your spouse, a workout, a long walk or run, a movie. Find another parent and swap out babysitting if it’s not in your budget, but put some time on your calendar and write with a pen, not a pencil. Also look for ways to demonstrate this value to your children. Let them see you choose between playing with them or cleaning the house. For those of you who remember the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible, I would just suggest that you prioritize the relationship, not the chore. When your kids are grown up and gone, you’ll still have chores to do. You need to get serious about taking a break, having fun, taking some time off, not simply because you deserve it, but because your family needs you to appreciate how green your own grass really is.
What do you do to refuel personally?
Certianly, while Lake Ontario is not quite as magestic as the mighty Pacific, living a few hundred metres from the beach gives our family with great opportunities to take some time out with our son Ben. At the moment, our work schedules are only busy enough to pay the bills. Ben will remember trips to the zoo and walks on the beach much longer then he will remember wearing new baby gap clothes or getting driven to school in a BMW. Still our perspective seems the minority here in Toronto, where daytime walks in our neighbourhood bring us in contact with more nannies then parents.
Great article, thanks for the reminder to us all to take time out.
I always find refreshment in putting pen to paper, even if just to jot down a few notes to help process my day. Love getting on my bike with a great playlist in my head and riding for a while. This helps me both clear my head and keep my blood moving.
I am all about kids. My life is spent with not only my own children, but other people’s also. Children of all ages and abilities…..one thing I do to defrag as we like to call it at my house is rock out to my favorite jams on the way home. It’s only a few minutes, but it’s amazing how refreshing it can be sometimes. Another thing I do is put the kids down at night(well, try to) run myself a hot bath…..get a good book and lock the bathroom door. If someone comes to the door during my time they have to be bleeding or on fire. If they aren’t they are quickly re directed to Daddy. I make sure to give my husband the same courtesy. Atleast 30 minutes to defrag after work or at the end of a long day is priceless!
My refuse is Panera coffee shops – with my laptop and my blog. When I can reflect through writing and decompress through words then my outlook becomes very different. Recently I have had less and less time to do that and I have really noticed the difference. This past week has been a true rollercoaster beginning with the Orange conference in ATL, receiving news once there that my wife’s grandfather had passed away, organizing trans-atlantic flights, renewing passports, caring for two kids, being rear-ended in a car accident, finally getting to the airport last night, only to be 20ft from the plane when the Icelandic volcano ash closed my destination airport.
My response today – stay in bed until 9am, veg this morning, begin to write, then go pick up my 3 yr old from pre-school because she was vomiting. New plan – plant a vegetable garden. I guess writing can wait. Well, until now. Thanks for the therapy.
Change of view. Being outdoors reminds me of how Big God is and how little I am. He refuels us as we pause. He’s great like that. I remember thinking as a young Mom w/ 4 kids under 10 how much better I felt after a change of venue.
Love to run! Breathe in, breathe out. Refreshing! Even better is when my husband joins me!
Love my time with God daily. Sometime praise, sometimes reading, sometimes writing. Restoring!
Love my “coffee time” with friends! Re-energizing!
I find it hard to refuel actually, it takes a very conscious effort for me to stop and find some time to break routine.Living on the farm helps me unwind though, just sitting out on the front porch taking in the view and the beauty that surrounds is often the breath of fresh air that I need, physically and mentally.
We ride with the windows down even for just a minute or two. My son thinks this is huge fun and so do I. The key for the moment is that I can’t hear a thing:) Just a moment of peace, a moment to think, and a moment to breath in the middle of a chaotic day.
We get the bikes out and ride! Even though we are still with the kids, they will ride ahead and my husband I get to visit and reconnect. We also get be outside and enjoy a little time away from the tv, WII, phones, etc. We have also taught our 3 year old that coffee dates are fun with mom and dad- he gets his chocolate milk and plays on the patio and we get our coffee and some time to talk.
When my 3yr old little girl looks at me and says “mommy, will you play with me?” I think of my two teenage girls who are glued to their own personal lives and I say back to her “Mommy has time for you, if you promise to always have time for me.” She proceeds to lay out her “picnic” and we eat like queens for 10 minutes before she is off to something else. In those 10 minutes I am at my best. I am content, happy, and of course full;)
I have go-to books I reread that include C.S. Lewis-for imagination, Bonhoeffer-for courage, Ben Campbell Johnson-to desire God, Marva Dawn-to understand Scripture in a refreshing way and Anne Lamott, to laugh out loud (she is really funny and insightful (or inciteful!).
When I had a rough moment with my son (he is thirteen after all), I pull out my iphone photo file with pictures of my son from our dad/son trips or events or just crazy shots he poses for when silly. They remind me its so worth the struggle and that soon he will be a man and there is much to teach and instill, and that most of all, I both love and like him, he is a gift from God.
I love to pull out pictures and revisit moments in time. Sometimes they bring laughter, a smile, maybe a tear, or just a pause from the current chaos I may be in. There are moments that were captured at frustrating times (probably with my kids), that I’m not always proud of. A look at some of those pictures helps to remind me that these moments pass all too quickly. I am reminded to savor moments more and remember all the chaotic moments that I have been brought through. Say CHEESE!!!