This week on the blog we’ve talked about being imperfect parents and how even imperfect parents need to focus their priorities on what matters most.
Two statistics help put this all in perspective.
The first reality is that parents continue to be the most influential voices in the life of their children right through the teen years. You might think that friends landed at the top, or media, or school environment, or socioeconomic status… but you would be wrong. As much as we think we have no influence, we have influence. According to Chap Clark’s research, here are the influencer’s in a teen’s life (and yes, they are in order):
- Parents
- Non-parental committed adults
- Non-parental non-committed adults AND peers
- Media, Ecology
So clearly, despite every indication from your child to the contrary, you still have influence. Primary influence. So do other adult voices. Unbelievable? Believe it!
But the big question is – how do you leverage that influence.
In a study commissioned by Orange, The Barna Group discovered that only 49% of parents say they actually have a plan or goal for what their child will become as a person. The other half say they simply do their best based on immediate needs. (Source: State of the Church and Family 2010 Annual Report).
But it makes you wonder, even among parents who say they have a plan, how well thought through is it? If someone was to ask them four or five questions about their plan, would it hold water?
That’s kind of why Reggie and I wrote Parenting Beyond Your Capacity and started this blog. We wanted to help families develop a plan around leverage their influence and creating a plan for their chidren’s moral and spiritual formation. You might come up with a better plan or a different plan. That’s great! (Seriously). It’s just that we believe having a plan is better than not having one. And having one that leads somewhere is even better.
So let’s cap off the week with three little questions:
- Do you have a plan?
- If so, why did you develop it and how did you know you needed one?
- If not, why don’t you have one? What keeps you from starting one?
Like I said last post, eighteen years ago when my wife Toni and I started this parenting journey, our plan was simple: we wanted to prioritize our child’s relationship with Christ above everything else. That’s all we had, but I’m grateful we had it. Since then, we’ve refined it a lot and learned tons even as Reggie and I wrote the book. But I’m thankful we started with something, as simple as it was.
How about you?
My wife and I don’t have a plan yet, but we have about 4 months before our son is born. We are excited about parenting with purpose and having a plan! Thanks for the challenge. This blog has been a great tool while we are preparing to be first-time parents.
Great post, Carey! I love what you and Reggie are doing here! Our plan was pretty much the same as yours–prioritize our kids’ relationship with Jesus above everything! Short, simple…but still a plan!
At my first Orange Conference last month, I expected to be inspired and come home full of ideas to take our Children’s Ministries to the next level–and that certainly happened! But what surprised me the most was that I was even more inspired to come home and do the same for my own family! As I read posts here (and other places) and dig into Parenting Beyond Your Capacity, I’m continually challenged to look at that simple plan and think about what I can strategically do to guide my kids toward God. Thank you so much!
Focusing our lives and our children on God, and making sure they have quality relationships with others. I agree with Traci…..after Orange…which was my first time….I am refining and evaluating how intentional I am. Thank you for writing the book. I also listened to a podcast you did and you said….it’s direction not intention that determines destination……wow! Smack! It hit me hard and fast and I’m still reeling!
Hey guys, I’m loving this new site for parents. I’m hoping to encourage the parents at our church to use it, but it would be really helpful for them if there was a way to subscribe by email.
Very few use RSS feeders, but a link for that may be helpful as well. An email subscription could be set up through feedburner fairly easily.
Thanks and keep up the great work!
Nick…great question. I’ll ask our friends who handle that sort of thing to make it happen. You are exactly right – we want this to be a place for parents (and church leaders) to ask questions, share best practices and encourage each other! Thanks!