Morro Bay, CA - Photo by Reggie Joiner
It may be an overused phrase, but it’s true. My oldest turned 26 this weekend. My youngest will turn 20 next month. The idea that as of this year all four of my children will be in their 20s is surreal—no more teenagers. The weekly routine that seemed so hectic is long over. No more wrangling them out of bed and getting them to school, sorting out school projects and homework, managing when and where they practice guitar and drama, travelling around the state to watch baseball, softball, basketball, volleyball games, or chauffeuring them at all times of the day and night to meet their friends. It is funny how you can miss what seemed to be such a draining season of your life.
Everyone showed up to the birthday party at the restaurant last night coming from different parts of a big city, and it was a little strange seeing four grown children sitting at the table. The only thing a little stranger was looking around the table at the other adults they brought as dates. On the one hand I feel fortunate that I happen to really like all of the non-family members who showed up. On the other hand, it was just another reminder that my role as a dad has definitely shifted. This morning, I am just stuck with this worn out cliché,“time flies.” You can’t save it or store it. It just keeps moving. The clock never stops ticking.
Here’s an interesting thought. From the time your children start the first grade you will have about 624 weekends before they leave your house for college. Remember, time is not like money, you can’t invest it somehow and make more. You can’t put the 624 weekends into the bank and grow it to a thousand. I am not trying to make you feel guilty if the weekend went by and you didn’t create a memorable life-changing event for your family. I just want to take a minute to say something to younger parents about time. Don’t take these days for granted. One day they will be over.
Become intentional about your time as a parent. Start making a list of things that you can do now that you won’t be able to do later. Here, I’ll start it for you:
- Eat more meals together.
- Create a weekly family night.
- Pick up a camera more often.
- Go to church as a family.
- Schedule a few weekend trips or hikes.
- Don’t stress as much over the messy house.
- Pause a little longer in their bedroom before they go to sleep.
Take some time while you still have it, and add a few ideas of your own.
i needed that today. thanks reggie.
Once my kids get a little older I may be more intentional of finding ways to serve together, I think time spent serving would also be beneficial.
Hi Reggie,
Your Twitter “capture line” got me. As simple and profound a truth as it is, I don’t believe I’ve ever heard it this way; much less framed the concept so clearly in my mind. It is certainly more thought-provoking than the “time flies” cliche we tend to use so often, and even MORE “true” than the “time is money” business principle.
“Remember, time is not like money, you can’t invest it somehow and make more.”
Your blog is obviously highlighted to parenthood, but your statement has implications to ANY and EVERY area where we may spend our limited time. Ben Franklin had some great quotes about “time”, but I like yours better than all of ‘em! Thanks, Reggie!
Thanks Julian, for the encouragement. Ben, you are definitely right. Serving with your kids will be life-changing for you and them. In the past few years, our family has spent a significant amount of time working with kids in South Africa. I never imagined the powerful effect it would have on our relationship with each other and with God.
We’ve got a “Baby D” planned for this Sunday at our Hamilton Mill campus and when I read this post today, I couldn’t help but feel, as the parent of a 20 year old and an 18 year old, that no wonder it seemed to fly by…it was only about 624 weekends and I’m thankful for every one of them! Thank you for suggesting a list of things that any family could do. I reposted on my facebook page because it is just that good!
Now that anisa and i are done crying separately reading this… were reading this again together tonight.
Just taking a look over our calendars and making sure that at the end of the month, what is most important is apparent to us and anyone else that might see our calendars… family time is blocked off and happening often.
So challenging this is, and we need daily reminders with so many distractions that just keep coming. We have to work and do “stuff” but shutting it down and being ALL there in those moments is the real challenge I find… making sure my mind is in the moment and not off writing a song or keeping up with the silly tweets that we hourly forget.
Thanks for this post… we kept ava up extra late tonight
CASE
As an addition to Ben’s comment, it’s never too early to start. Eight years ago, one Saturday out of the month, our family started serving at a facility that doctors, medical clinics and hospitals give all their old equipment and supplies to. At the age of two my son started sorting things as little as band aids and thermometers. When my daughter arrived, he was so eager to show her the ropes. The supplies are shipped to countries who do not have the best medical facilities and supplies. It became a ministry for us. We’re together, serving God and his people. And they have learned some valuable lessons over these short years of their life.
E -you are right about the fact that “it’s never too early to start” – when my kids were 11, 9, 7 & 5 they were heavily involved in helping me set up to work with children every Sunday – now they all volunteer and do different things on their own in a variety of ways – I hope it’s something that is deep enough now in their DNA – that it transfers to their own families one day
Casey – great to hear from you – knowing you the way I know you (we share a common fixation with tech and social media) makes me suggest that you detox from all technology from about 6 – 9 certain nights – so at least when you get home you can eliminate a distraction that can keep you from giving your family undivided attention – just an idea i wish i had implemented when mobile devices first entered my life
Well, this one made me cry. I read them all, rarely have time to comment, but this one just came on the right (or wrong, depending how you look at it) day for me.
You know, as the part-time children’s pastor of a church that needs a full-time children’s pastor, I often am left feeling like a part-time mom of three young kids (one newly adopted) who need a full-time mom, I almost literally feel like I am failing at everything every day. I try to extend myself grace, but it’s easier said than done. I’m in that “draining season of life” you refer to, and it’s HARD some days to find the balance between my ministry and my family (especially when I’m doing a full-time job part-time and there NEVER, EVER seems to be a slow ministry season).
But, you know this post just reminded me anew of what I already know…..my kids will only have one mom, and when I’m sitting around a table with three grown children, I want to know I put them first every. single. day.
I’m failing at finding the balance right now, but oh so thankful that His mercies are new every morning….and that my kids are still very young.
I just need to make a plan, create some rules for myself, and move forward! Thanks for this reminder today. I needed it.