Thanks to those who are already jumping into the conversation here on the Orange Parents blog. So far, you’ve shared your struggles with managing time, feeling unprepared for parenthood, understanding and relating to older kids, handling emotions (yours and theirs), teaching kids the consequences of their actions and much more.
That’s one of the challenges in navigating a discussion about parenting. There are so many issues. How can you tackle them all?
That’s why Reggie and I are so excited about sharing a strategy for parenting. We’ll build the dialogue on this blog around five family values that we’ll talk about frequently – widen the circle, imagine the end, fight for the heart, create a rhythm and make it personal. We hope to be able to discuss every day practical issues within the context of these broader values.
I hope these values might function like the advice my dad gave me when he was teaching me how to drive. I remember the first time I actually drove down a country road as a teenager. I was nervous. First, I was driving an old ‘69 Buick. Those things weren’t exactly nimble. Second, I was, well, not exactly 16 yet. And third, I saw a ditch to my right and an oncoming car to my left. My attention was divided between the dashboard, the pedals, the ditch and the car, and I was nervous. I remember turning to my dad and saying “Dad, how can I possibly handle all these factors competing for my attention at once? How can I keep the car where it needs to be?”
He said something to me I’ll never forget. ”Just look at the horizon Carey. Look at where you ultimately want the car to go and just focus on that. Your peripheral vision will sort out the ditch, the oncoming traffic and everything else.”
I thought that was a crazy idea. But I tried it. And he was right – it worked.
I’m hoping that these five values can help us as parents develop a strategy. The truth is, I still end up with lots of surprises and unexpected twists in my journey as a parent. Every time my wife Toni and I think we’ve figured out one issue in parenting, a new one emerges. It never ends. But I hope these family values will serve as a focal point on the horizon that can help us navigate all of these issues and more. It’s a strategy that, in dealing with the big things, helps us overcome the little things.
That’s why I think the number one thing parents need is an overall strategy. How about you? Do you agree? If so, do you have one? What would you call it?
Yes! I agree. Yes, we have one. Our strategy is pretty simple – everything is ultimately about our relationship with Jesus. Looking to the horizon is certainly the gaze into the future that keeps us grounded. Helping our kids come to a place of their own personal conviction to navigate through their own life circumstances is the goal. Once our kids made their decisions to follow and commit to a life of serving and loving our Savior, parenting became more about accountability and mentoring them towards spiritual maturity. Are there still boundaries and consequences in our home? Yes – their level of responsibility matches their level of freedom, but it’s still about the goal. We know we’re not perfect parents and we don’t have perfect kids but they are on the same road we’re on… it’s for the prize. We all make mistakes along the way and He has a lesson for us in every single one of them – whether you’re the child or the parent…
I agree that too often we are focusing on the ditch and not the road in this life. Not only with parenting but in every aspect. I agree that there should be a strategy to parenting. My husband and I have discussed many strategies on parenting, however, we seem to not be on the same page when it comes to delivery. So, our children will ultimately divide and conquer. That is something that we are constantly as parents working on.
Just having a place to talk about strategy is great. Children are all individual and may require different approaches with the same goal in mind for all, living passionately for God’s glory. Setting boundaries, building character, practicing Godly love and forgiveness, accountability, and being committed even when you don’t feel it are all important pieces of the puzzle. Life is complicated, painful, adventurous, etc, but better faced together! Sometimes in the moment we need help seeing the horizon through the present storm of life. Inviting people to conversation and support and a look at scripture is an excellent way to be ready before the storms come again or hope in the midst of a storm!
Amber,
Well said! Thanks for that. You have a way with words.
I think my strategy is to expect the unexpected, pray for the best and LET GO of the rest. I have always had a problem trying to control every outcome. Jesus says lay your burdens on me and I will give you rest. I often thought that this only meant big ones. I am learning that he wants the little ones too. Thank goodness he does, because when I am at my wits end with my girls a dropped sippy cup might just send me over the edge!
I love what your dad told you. I always remind myself to begin (or continue) with the end in mind. In the end I will know I’ve done a great job if I can graduate from parent to advisor to friend. I want my kids to know they have a Father they can trust and follow… I don’t have all the answers and neither will they, but they can learn to follow him step by step and trust him with their lives.